The Adventures of CW in the Burbs

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-27T13:11:00.002-05:00

This year was Baby C's second Christmas and much fun was had by all - he had a great time opening up all of his presents!!!!

I know this blog has been idle wayyyy too long, watch this space for a new and improved blog. :)

Baby C Turned ONE!

2011-10-03T11:19:00.002-04:00

Yes, my little man turned one year old yesterday..
Details form the party to follow....

Shift in Priorities

2011-08-16T11:05:00.004-04:00

Hi all! Before I impart my wisdom - let's get the cuteness out of the way - shall we?

and...

Today I want to talk about priorities and when and how they might shift. Last week showed me that my life slants in a totally different direction these days..There were two days that I had to choose between doing something that I wanted to do and something that would benefit Baby C - both times - I picked what would benefit my son. I put aside what I wanted to do...This is the quintessential parental role - Yes? Chose your child's needs before your own.

I waited a long time to get married and even longer to become a mom. And yes- I will brag for a minute - I'm darn good at it..Part of the reason why that is- is that I have lived alot..I have traveled, I have gone out to parties and bars- I have slept till noon - I have danced until dawn - I have stayed in my jammies all day watching movies..There isn't alot that I didn't want to do that I didn't do..

So - the point here is that this major shirt in priorities for me is ok - it is fine for me to miss a concert or a night out in order to do things that will benefit Baby C..Because to sound cliche - "Been there - Done that" - so I don't mind..I can't imagine becoming a mom before I was able to experience so much life - I think I would be resentful of my baby.

Now - don't get me wrong - I do still crave my alone time and my time out with the girls and I am still able to have both..Not with as much frequency and with way more planning. But when I go into Baby C's room in the morning and he is standing in his crib smiling and so excited to see me - it is all SO worth it..
xo

Water Baby

2011-07-18T11:00:00.003-04:00

I took Baby C swimming for the first time yesterday over at my friend K's house..Poor baby had no idea what was going on when we first go into the water - but once he got used to it - he LOVED it! I think I have a water baby on my hands..Next step - swim lessons.

As Time Goes By

2011-06-28T14:03:00.003-04:00

You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh...The sentimental things apply as time goes by..." Que sappy music..

Well, Baby C will be 9 months old this weekend. He is growing so fast that sometimes I feel like I can't catch my breath..When he was a just a tiny newborn, everyone told me that I should enjoy every moment because it goes by SO fast. In my new mommy hood sleep deprived state, I didn't quite understand, or to be honest, believe them. I was knee deep in dirty diapers and had a newborn who was colicky and would scream for hours on end. To me, the only thing that was going by quickly was my hearing loss.

I find myself just staring at my child. How did this happen, how did my screaming puddle of goo turn into a crawling, babbling, solid food eating baby? I am a little sad about it. Not that I want to go back to him as a newborn, but I wish I could hit pause and smell his head a little bit longer or rock him to sleep for a little longer. Some nights, after he has fallen asleep in my arms, I continue to hold him. It helps with the feeling that he is slipping away.

The fact that he is growing and thriving and hitting all of his milestones makes me proud and thankful. But can't he do it a little slower? My little man is changing and growing. I suppose it wont be long until he walks and says actual words..I can wait - right now, I will enjoy the musical babbling and the "uh oh's"..
xoxo

8 Months Old!

2011-06-02T10:14:00.006-04:00

Ok - so the last time I posted, Baby C was 7 months old - do you sense a pattern? I promise to be better about posting here...For now - some photos...

We Went from this:

To this:

To this:

To this:

And finally to this:

And looking forward to more..:)

7 Months

2011-05-02T11:06:00.002-04:00

Baby C is 7 months old today - wow - where did the time go?????

Sad Story

2011-04-15T15:20:00.003-04:00

I was going to write today about the new alcohol restrictions at one an annual festival here, but another story in the news made more of an impression.

Earlier this week, a mom loaded her four children into the family mini van and drove off a boat launch into the Hudson River. One of the little ones escaped and the authorities were alerted, but unfortunately, the family had already died in the van submerged in eight feet of water.

This story is tragic on so many levels, it is almost impossible to digest. The knee jerk reaction I think is to blame the mother. How could she do this to her children and to herself? As a newish mom, I cannot fathom hurting my baby - but I have been fortunate enough to have support. S,my mom and girlfriends have been great helping with Baby C. We have alot of love to give to eachother and the baby, I feel secure knowing that if I needed help with anything, someone would be there. There is no abuse, physical or mental to wound me or my feeling of self worth. I know i am a great mom, I know I am providing for my baby the best I can. He is healthy and happy.

During those times when he is fussy or cranky, it is HARD. But with the help and support I have, I manage. It seems as tho the mom in this story didn't have the love or support she needed. She felt alone and could not manage. The only way out she saw was to die.

Having Baby C is the best thing I ever did - it is also the hardest.. I am thankful for the love and support I have, and my heart breaks for women who don't and are trying to raise children on their own. I am in no way excusing this mom for killing herself and her babies, but it sure made me appreciate even more what I have.

Hug your babies a bit tighter tonight and watch the night sky for the new little angels shining bright on us.
xo

Yes, I have been MIA

2011-04-08T15:14:00.005-04:00

And I apologize to the 2 1/2 readers of this blog...:)

Well, it looks as tho I haven't been here since February..Yikes, Ok, that is too long..

Ill catch you up on whats going on...Baby C is growing like a little weed, the problem is, he isn't gaining a bunch of weight. The doc didn't seem to be too concerned at the fact that Baby C fell down to the 10th (or something low like that) percentile - He is way up on the charts for height, but low for weight. So what did I do? Immediately blamed myself thinking I am starving my child, that familiar mommy guilt engulfed me. I have been assured that this is normal and ok - but I still feel bad..Ugh...But outside of his skinniness(is that a word?), Baby C is great - he is rolling over, sitting up almost by himself - eating solids and laughing his little bum bum off....

Work is well....work...To me - it is a place to go and earn a sort of paycheck to be able to pay for daycare. I hate going everyday and I wish there could be a better way. I'm always thinking about that..Maybe things will change at some point, but right now, it is what it is and I try to make the best of it, but right around this time of day is when I start to go a bit nuts from missing on Baby C. GAH!

There really isn't much else going on right now, which I suppose is normal for a working mom of a six month old. My spare time is so tiny that it is super difficult to try to do anything constructive/fun/new/different..My days are a series of routines. I have yet to figure out how to cram some "me" time in there. This drives me nuts, I haven't been to a Pilates class since December before I went back to work. I (obviously) haven't been blogging or writing, creatively. This too will change at some point I hope..

I am currently drinking some God-awful coffee in a vain attempt to wake up..Not only do I really start to miss the baby this time of day, but I get attacked by this feeling of utter exhaustion that I think I might fall asleep standing up. But I don't ..thankfully.

Recently, I guess now that Baby C is getting a bit older, I have been asked quite a few times if I am planning a second baby. I politely and firmly say "HELL to the NO"... I'm not sure why this answer elicits such responses as "AW, c'mon, you know you want another" or "Baby C should have a little sister"...Ok, I understand this, having one child isn't really the norm, most do go and have a second and maybe more. But for me, it is OUT OF THE QUESTION..And the reasons for that is not something I care to discuss to just anyone..But, I will if it will shut them up. I had to do this a few weeks back when a colleague would NOT let it go. I launched into all the reasons why another child just is not in the cards for me. She felt horrible about pushing me, I could tell - but I wanted her to know that this subject was closed and that I really had no intention on discussing it EVER AGAIN...Some people need to be conked on the head I suppose.

So that is about it - nothing too exciting - no creative ideas - no insightful insights..Just the every day goings on of me right now..
xo

Sleep

2011-02-09T15:52:00.003-05:00

Sleep - Sleep tonight
And may your dreams - be realized
If the thunder cloud passes rain
So let it rain - rain down on him
So let it be - so let it be

This U2 song swirls around my head when Baby C falls asleep in my arms.
Like he did here...

BFP Part Four...

2011-02-09T15:47:00.002-05:00

That Monday, she went to her regular doctor. She had made this appointment months ago, it was to have a physical and to discuss medical options that she knew needed attention but she was putting off until she had a baby, the baby that was not suppose to be conceived. She thought she would get a pregnancy test, it would be negative and she could schedule her nose job and buy that sports car.

When her doctor told her the news that she was indeed pregnant, he was smiling ear to ear and she was stunned. She knew she had to act happy about it, inside she was still conflicted.

After the appointment, she texted him “Positive” , hoping he would react in a way to make her feel better. He too was stunned; she knew he was questioning her fidelity. How could this baby be his?

They held each other that night. She cried and shook. How could she trust him? There was so much more at stake now. She knew this baby would be special. She was standing at a crossroads in her life, one that she was told she would never reach.

With a deep breath, she stepped forward and became a mother. She took a chance with her heart, to allow one into her broken frightened heart.

And she won.

BFP Part Three..

2011-02-08T10:24:00.001-05:00

She chatted to herself during the drive home. She was trying to convince herself that there was no way she could be pregnant and played the conversation with the doctor over and over in her head explaining to them why a baby was out of the question. Arriving home, she found an empty house; he was out of town until the next day. She decided that was ideal, she didn’t want him to know what she was doing as she was convinced he would, again, dismiss her.

In the silent master bath, she read the directions; she wanted to make sure she knew what she was doing. “Okay, here we go” she muttered.

The directions told of waiting two minutes for the results, one line for not pregnant, two for pregnant. She hoisted the test up onto the sink counter and peeked. Not 30 seconds went by when two lines appeared clear as day in the tiny window. Positive. She was pregnant.

Immediately, she went into denial mode. “No way” she kept chanting in her mind, “Impossible” “Not now” What should have been the happiest moment of her life was turning into a terrifying lonely experience. Her marriage was on thin ice and she had no idea how a baby would fit in.

She continued in her denial. She went on for the next few days wondering if it was true and what it would mean to her and him.

Stay Tuned for part four.

BFP Part Two..

2011-01-27T11:56:00.001-05:00

As she drove into work on that cold windy January morning, she was still second guessing herself. “Okay” she thought “Ill decide by the end of the day what to do.” When 5:00 came, she knew what she needed to do. For nothing else, but her own peace of mind, she was convinced the test would read negative.

Pulling into the strip mall parking lot, her pulse quickened. She prayed not to run into anyone she knew. It was dark and cold. Getting out of her car, she was hit with a gust of wind that took away her already short breath. Walking toward the drugstore she took deep breaths, trying desperately to remain calm.

The blinding lights of the drug store hurt her eyes as they scanned for the pregnancy tests. She found them in the back, by the pharmacy. “Which one?” She silently wondered. Finally deciding on the one that claimed to be 90-something percent accurate, she took her purchase to the cash register. When she put the box on the counter, the nice young man asked “All set?” her response was “I don’t know” because she didn’t know what would happen next.

Stay tuned for part three.

BFP Part One...

2011-01-26T10:26:00.002-05:00

She was late and nauseous, a combination she had dreamed of. But now? The doctor’s words echoed in her head and she decided to ignore her sour stomach. As the days passed, the calendar in her worn leather planner told her she was later and later, almost a whole week. Her memory went back to that cold afternoon. Could I be? No, please, not now. Her marriage was in trouble, he had behaved badly and she was still hurt to her soul.

She told him she was late and he dismissed it, reminding her of what the doctor had said. She had been thinking about buying a sexy sports car and experimenting with cosmetic surgery. Her life had to be changed, the track was diverted, and she would be a childless woman, with fabulous skin and a fat bank account.

This nagging feeling kept her awake at night. Her mind raced “What if I am? How could that be?” She had already have made peace with the idea of never having her own children.

Friday Morning she woke and decided that she had to know.

Stay tuned for part two..

I Want to Write

2011-01-25T11:14:00.003-05:00

But I haven't much to say today. I suppose I could complain about the inhuman cold...I could tell you the story about being peed on by Baby C this morning..I made a strong pot of coffee this morning...

I could talk about a man with whom I have worked for many years who passed away yesterday. Nah - too depressing. How about my hair appointment tomorrow? Or the boots I ordered from Zappos.

Baby C pulled himself up for the first time last night from his tummy. I got a cramp in my cheeks from smiling - it was an amazing moment shared with my son and only him.

As you can see - I have no cohesive thoughts today..So - Ill just share another photo of my pride and joy...

Baby Weight

2011-01-20T15:39:00.004-05:00

Happy Thursday - are we ready for another storm? Ugh...

Anyhow - I'm typing this while wearing jeans with the top two buttons undone...No, it isn't because I just had a huge meal, it is because I have yet to lose all the weight I gained while pregnant with Baby C. He will be 16 weeks old on Saturday - how is that even possible?! I am told that it took nine months to put all this weight on - I shouldn't expect it to come off quickly..Why? I find the whole idea annoying. Now before you get all "your body is an amazing thing" on me - I do think my body is amazing - when I think about what giving birth is all about, I am still in awe.

Yes, while expecting Baby C, I did indulge in ice cream and a second helping of dinner - and why not? Not only was I growing a person, but I was also going without cocktails and sushi - I needed some sort of compensation...So, as a result, I gained around 40 something pounds. I was huge and uncomfortable.

Yes, that is me - ready to bust. I did not like being pregnant, I love Baby C, but hated my pregnant body. Now that he is here, I would like my old body back, please..Thanks...

If I read another article about how we as mom's need to embrace our post preg bodies, I think I might toss my low fat cookies.. So, are you saying, now that I'm a mom, I'm no longer allowed to wear a bikini? I feel as tho the women who proclaim to love their wider hips and tummy pooch also are the ones who loved being pregnant and claim to have forgotten the pain of childbirth..They are part of the loud voices that drown voices like mine out..My voice that yells - "Go away tummy pooch and last few pounds!"

Will I ever look like this again?

Yes, I am vain...
xo

Winter in Upstate New York

2011-01-14T15:32:00.002-05:00

Happy Friday...Looking forward to the long weekend..

Ok, so it is winter here in Upstate NY and with that comes snow - lots of it. I am not a fan, I don't mind it if I am snug inside and don't have to attempt to drive or shovel or get near the snow.. I will complain to a certain extent, but I do know that snowstorms are expected here...

Along with snowstorms come a thing called a "Snow Emergency". This refers to special parking regulations on public roads. During and sometimes right after a storm, municipalities might declare a Snow Emergency. This means that for the first 24 hours, cars parked on public roads must be parked on the even side of the street, after the 24 hours have passed, one must move their vehicle to the other side - the odd side. For the most part, after the second 24 hours have passed, regular parking rules go back into effect. This is done for the purposes of snow removal - it is easier to plow when there are no cars in the way. Sounds simple, yes? HA!

Every winter I am amazed at the amount of people who ignore snow emergencies, park where they want and get their cars towed. These people get mad - really PO'ed. In my previous life, I lived in the downtown area in cute small apartments with street parking. I am proud to say that I have never had my car towed during a snow emergency. The trick is to be informed, which is simple. The tv news, the printed newspaper, online - these are all places one can find out if there is an emergency in place. Ok, if you don't own a tv, or have a computer, call the police, they will be happy to tell you. That was my system - when it would snow I would place a call and simply ask the question, sometimes yes, sometimes no - but I knew. paying to get my car from the scary impound lot was not something I wanted to spend my money on.

So I suppose my point is, it is SUPER easy to find out if there are special parking rules in effect. People who chose not to are, in my opinion, lazy and are just looking for something to complain about.

My snarky comment for the day..:)
xo

Daily Cute

2011-01-11T15:46:00.002-05:00

I can't help it - I have turned into the "want to see a photo of Baby C?" mom....Oh well....

Ever Feel Like You Missed the Bus?

2011-01-11T11:39:00.002-05:00

So I was watching the Today show this morning waiting for Baby C to wake up for his bottle and Matt Lauer was interviewing Snooki from the Jersey Shore. I assume you know who she is and have watched or at least know of the show..I am guilty in that I watch it and in a demented way - enjoy it. So anyhow, this 23 year old is being interviewed by the same man who has interviewed World leaders...And what is her claim to fame? She is a pint sized party animal who hams it up with her spray on tan and fake accent on this campy reality show. She was going on and on this morning about her clothing line, her jewelry line and her book - she actually called it a novel....Now, Im not faulting her - she is just grabbing her fame and using it to her advantage - I think anyone would do the same.

This made me think - what am I doing? What is my brand? Why can't I have a clothing line? Where is my 15 minutes of fame? I mean if this little 23 year old can cash in - what am I doing wrong? I looked around my suburban home neatly tucked away on a cul-de-sac and thought - sure I have a great house and a few pennies in the bank...And I stress a FEW..There are no expensive cars in the garage, no designer clothes or over the top toys...We are smack dab in the middle class.

So what is wrong with the middle class? Nothing - but I have that nagging feeling that there is something bigger and better out there for me...I am ready to find the next big thing..But what is it and how do I find it? Do I have to make an as* out of myself on reality TV to buy a BMW? I just know there is more to life than scraping by and having just "enough"...

Thoughts? Do you ever feel like you might have missed something?
xo

Back to Life - Back to Reality - Back to the Here and Now..

2011-01-04T10:39:00.004-05:00

Anyone remember Soul to Soul? They were an early 90's band - I loved them! In fact - I think I still have their CD hanging around somewhere...
Anyhow, happy new year - 2011!! Will someone please tell me where the last decade went? sheesh.....

So as the new year rolled around, I was forced back to reality..I had been home with Baby C since he was born in early October..I am now back to work full time and he has entered the wonderful world of daycare... So many things about having a baby are hard - but leaving him yesterday was the worst - it might have rivaled labor (still traumatized - I will NOT forget that pain)..How can anyone be ok with dropping off their 3 month old to virtual strangers? I cried - yup - in front of everyone - I HATE doing that - but I just couldn't help it..I am told this is perfectly normal - but I thought - HUMPH....I am in control of my emotions - no - not when it comes to Baby C - all bets are off...I finally understand the whole mommy thing - the intense love and need to protect at any at all cost your child.

It is funny to think of how I never wanted to have children, nope. Well - I guess I was wrong..:)
xo

I Think He Could Be a Gerber Baby

2010-12-22T21:41:00.001-05:00

I'm Still Here

2010-12-22T12:43:00.002-05:00

Well - Hello....
Long time no see - c'mon in - have a seat - may I get you a beverage?

Wow - time flies when you have a newborn..And every moment seems to be taken up by the following - in no particular order...

1. feeding baby - formula - go ahead and judge if you must - but there was NO WAY I was putting my body thru anything else - you try having a postpartum hemorrhage and then we will talk;
2. changing baby (GAG)- this boy sure is regular - and he is always so proud of himself and really likes the poopy song I sing - complete with the dance (what happened to me????);
3. playing with baby - making sure he works on his hand/eye coordination, stimulating his senses, developing good motor skills - all while he sucks his fingers;
4. rocking/strolling baby - when he is fussy and/or tired - also accompanied by a silly song;
5. doing baby's laundry - between the spit up and diaper explosions - I do one to two loads a day - and he isn't tall enough to reach to do it himself - YET;
6. trying to feed myself - sometimes a frantic barely chewed meal while baby C is sleeping - or a one handed food object (banana, apple, granola bar) while strolling him around the house;
7. trying to shower, go to the bathroom, get out of my jammies - all while he is napping or occupied by a toy;
8. pulling my hair out - during his crying jags when NOTHING will soothe him - I can actually feel myself coming apart at the seems;
9. making sense of the emotions, thoughts and feelings that flood thru me on a daily basis - hormones? Mood swings are such a hoot!;

10. being quiet and watching my miracle sleep.

Being a mom of an infant is super hard work. I had no idea how all consuming this little person would be. I have spent the past almost 12 weeks with him - watching him grow and develop his senses and become more aware of the world - well - our little world. Reality is knocking on our door - soon - Ill go back to work full time and he will enter daycare. I'm not sure how to deal with this fact yet...

We are about to celebrate baby C's first Christmas and in my opinion, he is the best gift ever. My little one who defied all odds and insisted on being here.
xo

Baby C is Here!

2010-10-14T15:13:00.004-04:00

He arrived late - only by a few days - but those last few days were torture - I was starting to think I would be pregnant FORever..

Anyhow, it all started on Friday, 10/1 at around 5:00pm. I was watching tv - being miserable and huge - S was in the study hiding from me - when - OUCH..This pain hit me - yikes. I dismissed it, until it happened again and again and again. S called into me asking what was wrong and I informed him that I thought I might be having contractions - but was sure it was just a tummy ache from the (large) bite of doughnut I had a little while before this. Well, I started to time these pains and they were coming in shorter time increments and getting more painful. I called my OB and was told to head over to the hospital. So I packed the rest of my hospital bag and we were on our way to have a baby.

Being that this was my first experience with labor - I had no idea how bad the pain of a contraction could be..WOW..It is an inhuman soul ripping pain that makes one want to die..So I was admitted into the hospital, poked with a needle repeatedly to start an IV and subjected to an exam by a large scary midwife who announced that I was only 2 centimeters dilated and that this was going to take a LOOOONG time.. What?! No, seriously, get this baby out NOW - I can't stand this pain.

After a while (maybe a few hours), I was moved into what would be my labor and delivery room. By this point, it was around midnight and the pain was exhausting me. The very nice nurse with an accent gave me a shot of something amAZing and I drifted off to a pain free cloud. I was in and out of consciousness for who knows how long until the sharp pain of a contraction brought me right back to the reality that I was having a baby..PLEASE can I have more drugs? Now, I must admit that I was going to try to wait until I could have an epidural, I had no plans for the pre pain med pain med..I was afraid I would be sick or too high. Well, at that point, I didnt care - shoot me - hit me with a mallet just stop the pain.

The same accented nurse told me that I could not have anything else - but she would get someone to check my progress - GREAT..Maybe it is time for the famed epidural. Well, after another unfortunate exam, I was informed that I was now less dilated than I was earlier..WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Insert cursing here..How could that be? I have been having contractions for like a decade here..Ok, so that meant I could have another shot of happy. Only this time, this wonder drug did nothing for the pain. I was stuck in the twilight pain zone- I could feel pain but was so out of it. I told S, I am still in alot of pain - WTF?!?!?!?!?

Meanwhile, the doctor had been in to check on me, told me to sit tight as it will be a long night..OH YAY...

Anyhow, back to pain management or lack thereof. After some time in pain, I told the nurse. I have to interject here that my nurse with the accent was so very patient with me, I really have no idea how those labor and delivery nurses do it- all I kept doing was complaining about the pain..

So, after what seemed like an eternity of drifting in and out of a painful haze - yet another exam to see why I was in so much pain was performed. I guess this was a few hours later, I really have no concept of time for that night. Surprise - this exam had me at 9 centimeters dilated. Count 'em - NINE..I had to ask her to repeat it - How can that be? Will someone please tell me what is going on? All the while S is by my side - at this point as confused as I am.

Now, the lights were turned on - nurses descended on my room - one of them said "It's time to have a baby" - the level of panic that took over was off the charts - nothing I had ever experienced. Panic, fear - everything rolled up into one giant fireball. "NO NO NO" I kept saying "I haven't had my epidural" The thought of having this baby without one was not an option. So, after some confusion and consulting with the doctor and the nurses, in came the anesthesiologist to grant me the famed epidural. The hardest part of this procedure was staying still as my contractions were still strong and evil.

Here is where my story gets fuzzy I assume due to drugs and exhaustion. I think S (who was by my side in the uncomfortable looking chair) dozed for a while, waiting to have the light thrown on again and the pushing to begin. We would wait for longer than we expected.

Around 9:00 am on what was the next day, a new nurse came in to check on me. It seems that my contractions had slowed down in the past few hours and needed to be sped up for me to deliver. This was a job for pitocin, the drug that is given to induce labor. So it was added to my IV. At this point, S and I were both awake and eager to have this baby. I was eating ice chips and he went to get a coffee. We were chatting and watching the Ryder Cup. You KNOW I was desperate to get my mind off the impending birth if I was watching golf on TV.

Then, around 10:30 or so, in comes my OB and informs me that it is time to start pushing. Ok, I think, this is it - I am ready- I waited a long time for this, I can do it.. The first few times I pushed, it wasn't so bad, I didn't feel a whole lot of pain, "Piece of cake" I think. OH BOY - was I wrong. Before long, I could feel every contraction and the urge to push was incredible. I'm sure you have seen those birthing shows or even birth depicted in the movies or on tv where the poor woman is screaming about the need to push - well - at one point, I was begging "please let me push" - apparently there is an optimal time during a contraction when pushing yields the greatest results.

I'm not going to lie here- labor was the most intense painful out of body experience I have ever had. I was a sweating, screaming lunatic, whimpering and saying that I couldn't do it anymore. But I had to - I kept thinking about how much I wanted to meet my son. So with the final push - out he came - screaming his little lungs out. What I felt at that moment, when the nurse placed him on my chest- before he was cleaned off was pure joy and love - clear and present - seeing him scream and squirm was other worldly. I was in awe - the rest of the room blurred and it was just me and this being that I had nurtured for nine months - just the two of us, together at last.

So after this amazing moment with my new son, he was whisked away to be cleaned and weighed and all that medical jazz. Little did I know that while I was welcoming my little one, I was also losing a LOT of blood. I had no idea how bad it was until I saw blood soaked lap pads and was being given shots and medication and there was a bit too much activity around me. In the end, the bleeding was brought under control.

The next few hours were spent holding the baby and drifting in and out of sleep, due to the blood loss and the mass infusion of drugs. We stayed in the hospital until Monday, now we are all home and trying to get used to each other.

It is hard to believe that it has been almost two weeks since that first pain. In a way I am glad as the birth experience still makes me weak in the knees. It hurt and was scary, I know I will never do it again. And why would I? I have my son, who, to say that I love him, would be so cliche. I have no words to describe how I feel about this little screaming pooping eating machine.

My future with Baby C is out there - I don't know what it will hold, who will he become, who I will become as a mom. I just know that I am thrilled to have him here in my life. My miracle baby who wasn't even suppose to be here..

Stay tuned for a whole new set of adventures. xo

Need I Say More??

2010-08-28T11:51:00.000-04:00

'Nuff Said....:)
xo

We Are Almost There!

2010-08-25T14:56:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I hit the 35 week mark. This means I have officially 35 days left until my due date. I will admit the last few weeks have gone by at a decent pace. I am ready to meet my little wiggle monster - I want to see what he looks like. Who will he look like?

Anyhow, as I have been doing my best to prepare for his arrival (no, he doesn't have a name yet so please don't ask me) I have been all over the internet - spending alot of time on message boards with others who are due around the same time as me. A thread today really made me think. It posed the question "What will you miss about being pregnant?" My first reaction was a huge NOTHING..But then I got to thinking about this journey. I figured out that yes, there will be things I will miss...

I will miss knowing he is safe. I know where he is at all times - nothing/noone can hurt him while he is safe inside mommy. I SO relish that thought - the need to keep him safe at any cost is so strong. After he is born - he will be exposed to everything and everyone and my control of his safety will diminish and I suppose as a parent, I have to accept that...

I will also miss the sense of awe I experience often. Awe at what my body is capable of, who knew I could stretch to such a size? Awe at the mere presence of this little man. After being told that having a child with S was an impossibility, you can imagine the surprise that not only were we able to conceive but that my baby and I are healthy and strong. If I could name him miracle, I would. Almost daily I rub my bump and thank God for my little man..it reinforces the fact that yes, my baby is INDEED destined for greatness....

There are a few other random things Ill miss, like the think hair I have managed to grow - wow- I should be in a shampoo commercial. Otherwise, I am ready to have this baby - I am tired and bloated and in lots of pain....As long as he is ready and fully developed, he can leave anytime he wants....

So, hopefully in the next 3-4 weeks I'll have some news....Wish me luck with labor...
YIKES...btw - the photo above was taken at 33 weeks in Cape Cod..
xoxo

Moving Along

2010-07-16T12:40:00.003-04:00

Enter week 29..

Yes, I am getting there - the final stretch so to speak. Around 10 more weeks to go.. Funny - it seems as tho I have been pregnant FOREVER..I'm quite sure I'm not the only mom to be to have felt this way. My bump is growing and getting in the way - good luck trying to pick something up that has fallen on the floor - one really must assess the object's importance at this stage in the game.

I am trying desperately to prepare or at least to FEEL prepared for this little man to arrive into my life. Working on the baby registry - which - btw - is nowhere near as fun as my bridal registry....Ordering the nursery furniture - taking a birthing class - making decisions about work - breastfeeding - what to name this baby....UGH - there is so MUCH to think about! I get so overwhelmed and wonder if I will make a good mom and if he will be healthy and strong. Again, I'm sure all moms to be feel this way, but I have never done this - so it is new to me.

As I tick off the days until I meet my pumpkin, I get more excited to meet him and to also have my body back. This experience has been quite an adventure, and not one that I have particularly enjoyed. I am in awe of those women who profess to have loved being pregnant. I just don't....I LOVE feeling him moving around, this way I know he is ok because he is So active (so active - he often keeps me awake!). I could do without the swelling, bloating, hormonal rants and all the other way TMI symptoms of pregnancy. I SO look forward to some serious pilates sessions and a martini or two.

When I found out I would be pregnant during the summer - I didn't even give it a second thought..How bad could it be? Well, I suppose I didn't anticipate the heat and humidity that has overtaken my corner of the universe. Now, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this weather - the hotter the better..Right? Not while in this condition - I am uncomfortable and sweating even while in an air conditioned environment. How is it fair that the first REAL summer to hit Upstate NY in a few years comes when I am unable to enjoy it? UGH..

Anyhow, thats about all I have today..It is Friday and I have more work to do on my baby registry - oh joy...Cant I just go to a happy hour on a deck and drink an ice cold corona with a wedge of lime poking out of it, light a cigarette and watch the sunset ? {{SIGH}}}
xo

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

2010-06-11T14:17:00.004-04:00

Ok - so welcome to week 24 - the photo here was taken last week - pretty small bump - and everyone (even strangers) let me know how small it is - as if I asked...

Anyhow, as I progress into this crazy world of pregnancy and mommy-to-be-hood - decisions need to be made as well as preparations..A major decision looming is what to do about working after the baby is born. I will get the mandatory 6 week parental leave of course, but then what?

Fortunately, I have a few options - which can be good - but bad as well. There are lots of factors at play here. Financially, S and I could swing life on one salary for a year - it would be tight - but I know we could manage. The idea of staying home for a year with my son (yes it is a boy)excites me and scares me all at the same time.

Having the opportunity to watch him during the first year of his life when SO much is going on - so much learning and growing! I would be front and center to witness all of the little milestones..This sounds ideal, yes? There is, however, a part of me who is terrified of losing who I am..How much of my identity is wrapped up in my job - in being a working woman? I have been working for a huge chunk of my life in one form or another..I am terrified of becoming the mom who can only discuss my baby's bowel movements or whatever cartoon is on tv. I enjoy being part of the outside world - to discuss current events. On the flip side, however, I don't want to be one of those mom's who has NO idea what is going on in their baby's life..is it possible to find a happy medium???

So you can see - I am quite confused as to what to do. I want to do what is best for my baby - but also for myself. I do not see the need to be a martyr and to not do anything that will make me happy. Denying who I am and what will make me happy (within reason) - I fear that I will be miserable and resentful and take it out on the baby - and that is NOT fair.

So - I suppose Ill explore every option and speak to S about it. I just hope I make the right decision. Wish me luck!
xo

She Won't Give The $17,500 Ring Back -- Now She Explains Why

2010-05-10T16:02:00.000-04:00

I found this article interesting - sad and even a bit spirited. She refuses to give back her engagement ring - and here is why..
What do you think? What would you do?

She Won't Give The $17,500 Ring Back -- Now She Explains Why

Change

2010-04-28T15:06:00.002-04:00

Ok - so you know how well I do NOT do with change from some of my past posts. Well - as you might imagine - like it or not - my life is no longer the same as it was before - and it never will be. It is true what they (who is "they" anyhow?!) a baby does change everything.

When I first found out that I was pregnant, I told myself that I was NOT going to let this take over my life - Nothing needs to change, I can continue to live how I live and be who I am - I'll just do it with a baby. I am laughing at myself now at that thought - I really thought nothing would be different - that I could still do what I was used to doing - when and how I felt like it.

Boy was I wrong.

And it has (and is still) taken me a while to come to this realization. No, I can't do Pilates twice a week - in fact, right now, at 18 weeks - I can barley do it at all. No, I cannot stay up late and still function. No, I cannot run a million errands in one day and be pain free. No, i can no longer remember things..Between the physical and mental changes - nothing feels the same.

My question now is - with the physical and mental changes, do changes to my core - to who I am on the inside - follow? Will I lose who I am when I gain a child? Will I still maintain my own identity, my own likes and dislikes? How much of my soul gets placed into this new being and how much am I able to retain? The unknown scares me..

I just turned to page to 40 (yikes!) - so I have been who I am for a very long time and have worked hard on myself. How much am I willing to change? How much will I be forced to, or even WANT to change?

Apologies for getting so "deep " on a cold spring day. These are the things that go thru my mind when I am laying in bed, my hand on my growing baby bump -reciting baby names silently.

What else goes thru my mind??? Should I - -or shouldn't I buy the Coach diaper bag? Free shipping right now....Does my sense of style have to go out the window just because I have to cart around diapers and the accompanying "stuff'???
xo

So Much....

2010-04-12T16:37:00.002-04:00

Life can be overwhelming..Forgive me for stating the obvious - but that little fact is becoming more clear as the days go by and my bump (yes I have one! tho it is quite small) grows..Feeling overwhelmed plus pregnancy hormones equal a BAD day...That was yesterday - I felt as tho the whole world was falling down around me..

Being pregnant is really difficult - and some days I find it tough to enjoy..Now, before you throw rocks at me - let me just say - I am thrilled to be able to have a baby- I love my little peanut and can't wait to meet him/her..That said - there are days when I just want to curl up in a ball and cry - what the he*l did I do? Who am I kidding thinking i can actually do this?

I am no longer in control of my body - this little being who I have only seen glimpses of on the ultrasound has moved in and taken over..No, you cannot eat sushi, you are not allowed to go rollerskating(or blading) and don't even think about having a cocktail...Maybe it is because I have been so used to calling the shots for so long that it is difficult to relinquish control? If even for a short period of time?? My body is morphing into - I don't know what - I haven't weighed this much since the 1990's..These are things I can't control..Which makes me a bit unhappy. I KNOW this is all for a great cause - growing a baby is important hard work..But does that mean I have to like every day of it? Does that mean I'm not allowed to cry and fuss over my lack of control over ANYTHING?

I wish I could hit fast-forward to the end of September so I could be done with this and have my little baby..is this wrong??

Anyhow, I hope you are not judging me or thinking me unfit to parent - I am just struggling a bit right now..I hope pray I feel better soon - maybe tomorrow.. I have my 16 week check up and if I have an ultrasound - I will be able to get to see my little uterus tenant again..
xo

Connections

2010-03-26T12:14:00.002-04:00

Ok - so the cat is out of the bag..I have been slowly telling folks of my "condition" - the reactions I have been getting have been great - support and happiness have been sent my way by pretty much everyone I have told..Which is great - I think?

Truth be told, I was ambiguous about this pregnancy at the very start..I was not expecting it, I was caught way off guard and I am not a fan of big surprises like that. Please Do Not get me wrong - I was happy, just - well- unsure..

Tests confirm the fact that there is a baby growing inside. But, that is it.. What are you suppose to connect with? Paperwork from the doctor's office? It was really hard for me when I first found out to really understand what was going on - to grasp the concept of this pregnancy. I knew there was something going on - I was sick, sleepy and grumpy..Really grumpy, in fact S was not happy with me..I was short with him and kind of mean. I knew hormones were jumping but I was frustrated at myself. I was not feeling that elation that I see so many women who find themselves pregnant experience and exude. I exuded clouds and gloom. Why was I not over the moon?

I had no connection to this growing life, I could not see or feel it..But I knew it was there. This all changed at my 11 week appointment. The nurse and doctor tried to hear a heartbeat with the Doppler machine but could not find it, they dismissed this as timing - of course it was too early to hear a heartbeat. I insisted on an ultrasound, there was NO WAY I was leaving without hearing or seeing something..I needed that reassurance that there was indeed LIFE forming.

So, I was allowed an ultrasound. And there it was, my baby - on the computer screen shaking it's booty at me - "Hi Mom"! In an instant - thanks to my big mouth and modern technology - I was granted my connection to this baby. That elation, that warm fuzzy feeling, that understanding of what the hell is going on inside my body - I FINALLY had it..What a relief..

I now feel like I am creating life and of course I know my baby will be destined for greatness..I have my connection and I'm ready to continue this adventure..:)
xo

Might I....Multiply?

2010-03-23T15:28:00.003-04:00

So - big news blog entry here...Not really sure how to phrase it - so I guess I'll just go ahead and say it....Come September, there will be a baby in my house...my baby...S and I have managed to procreate - to make a baby...WOW! (Go ahead - pick yourself up off the floor - regain your marbles..I'll wait)

Allow me to back up a bit...Last fall we were told in not so many words that baby making was not in the cards for us..Ugh..What a let down - we discussed having our own children when we got married and just assumed (or I did at least ) that it would happen - no problem. Well - not so much.. So we gave up and moved on - slowly and not well..

Bottom line - we took babies out of the equation that is our life..So - we shopped for sports cars - talked about vacations - I thought about Botox and a nose job...Then - life got interesting...

Mid January - there was a tummy bug going around my office - I thought I had caught it - I was tired, queasy and just feeling gross...Heh..How cliche'...When the bug wouldn't go away - it dawned on me.. Holy Sh*t - I'm late - really late! And the rest is baby history..I was tested - it of course came back positive and in an instant my life changed - forever..

I had to put down my smokes, martini glass and sushi - say bye bye to size 4 and hello belly..Ultra sounds, genetic testing, blood work, safe foods - unsafe foods...I have entered this world that I had heard so much about - but always seemed unreal..Now, it is my reality..

My due right now is Septmeber 28 - but from what I hear - that can change at any time..So far, I am doing fine healthwise and my pumpkin is doing well too. I have a long road ahead of me growing this life inside of me - it is exciting and terrifing at the same time..

So come with me - if you want - Ill take you along..BUT - I promise this won't turn into a strictly baby/momma/pregnancy blog - there are already a million of them..No, I'll take you along on this crazy ride and try to figure out how to manage my way thru this journey - the good - the bad - the bloated...
xoxo

I Finally Did It..

2010-02-25T15:07:00.004-05:00

Three weeks ago yesterday - I.QUIT.SMOKING. Go ahead - applaud - I'll wait and enjoy it...

So, yes - I finally kicked the habit. I weaned myself down to 1 or 2 smokes a day - then when I smoked my last one from the pack - I did not buy a new one. Tho, i almost did - I sat in the parking lot of Stewarts for about 10 minutes clutching 8 one dollar bills, debating..Buy another pack or stick with it. I made the decision to stick with it. So I did..

Doing this is by far, one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I know I had to. It is expensive and awful for my health. But the thing is, I actually ENJOY smoking, or should I say enjoyED it...So, it has been difficult. The second day I thought I might go crazy - I prowled around my house looking for a smoke - I usually had one stashed away somewhere for an "emergency" and this felt like one. No luck, no stashed secret smoke..That's okay, I could get in the car and go buy another pack...At that moment, I realized that I was kicking not just a habit, but an actual addiction. The thought disturbed me enough to NOT go buy another pack. Ill be damned if I let this addiction get the better of me..For once, by stubbornness came in handy.

So, it has been 3 weeks and the cravings are getting more manageable, and the mood swings are not quite as evil. But I still miss it, yup I do....Especially when watching movies - old black and white movies, EVERYONE smoked...makes me miss my Marb ultra lights. I am expecting to feel better - to breathe better - no more smokey lungs...right????? Add years to my life, save money and avoid the unsolicited comments from folks walking by as one puffs away outside....

It still feel weird to say that I quit...Seems so final...But, then again - isn't that the point????? So, onto the next chapter of my smoke free life.....

Bring It!

2010-02-04T13:38:00.002-05:00

Ok, so the holidays have come and gone, with the lights and decorations and parties and warm fuzzies. We are left with the dreaded February. The month in which the term "cabin fever" was named for..I like to think of February as the month when we are halfway across the lake of winter - but a little stuck in the middle. No shoreline in sight - just a vast, empty dark spooky and cold existence. Well, maybe not spooky - but you get the idea.

So, here we are - waiting for the winter to end. You know i am not a big fan of the winter - I don't ski, I get cold easily and I hate being without a tan. However, if I have to suffer thru year after year (I know it's my fault for not moving to a warmer climate) - I would like to be entertained. By whom? Well, Mother Nature of course. She put on quite a show a few weeks back with her warm temps, wind and monsoon rain...But c'mon - thats it? Growing up in Albany, there seemed to ALWAYS be storms coming thru, dumping piles of snow, ripe to jump into..(I refuse to get into the discussion/argument over global warming)..

This is why, I am putting in a request for a big snowstorm. Im not sure who to contact in Mother Nature's Office about this - let me know if you have an idea. Ok, so my request is as follows..

"One big storm to be forcasted at least 3 days in advance. Said storm will begin as a light, gentle snowfall around 9:00 pm Friday night and continue into the following Saturday. The intensity of said storm will increase as the morning hours of Saturday go along. Snow shall cease falling at approximately 7:00 pm on Saturday evening. Town road crews will then plow and salt (soundlessly of course) overnight, leaving the roads clean and dry for Sunday afternoon errands."

Think that is too much to ask for? I LOVE a big storm on the weekend, when I don't have to go anywhere. I am stuck in the house and forced to watch old movies and drink tea. It is my enjoyment, the way I like to experience winter is looking thru the window at the white fuzzy snowflakes covering the ground.

I wonder if Mother Nature will get back to me or just grant me my storm?
xoxo

My Kitchen, My Friend...

2010-01-04T12:56:00.004-05:00

Happy New Year y'all! I hope everyone had a safe and happy celebration..I stayed in, was asleep by midnight and turbo shopped at the mall on New Years day - no hangover!

Anyhow, the holidays are over and it is back to reality - work for the grown ups and school for the little ones..S and I will soon be working longer hours and he will be spending time in NYC doing those people's business..With reality rearing it's ugly head, it is clear that I have to get back on the organized side of life..

Growing up, my Mom had the home life running like a well oiled machine, everything had it's place, everyone had their chores, things were done efficiently and well. One realm where Mom's super organizational skills were evident was in the food department. She did her grocery shopping on Saturday afternoons at the Shop Rite on Western Ave, always parked in the same parking spot and entered armed with a list and her coupons. I often went with her - for some reason, I enjoyed it - hmm - go figure. Ok, so with her grocery shopping came the menu. She would post a menu in her curly cue handwriting on the bulletin board in the kitchen. It was fun to see what Mom had in store for our tummies for the week to come..

Fast forward to the present. I have reinstated the menu idea, with a bit of a twist and I am thrilled at how is working out so far - especially with reality poking me..

I have a binder full of recipes I keep on the top of the fridge. I go thru the binder and pick out meals to make for the week - always with a new one or two to try out. I then make my grocery list, with the Price Chopper circular and my coupons. I make my list based on the meals I plan to prepare, and note which items are on sale and the ones for which I have a coupon, all the while, checking what I already have to avoid buying something I don't need.

I then venture off with list in hand to buy my items. Here is where my menu system diverges from Mom's, instead of making a menu by the day, I write down all the meals that may be prepared, post it on the fridge, and pick out each day which one I will make. Sometimes I let S chose. It makes life so much easier to know what is for dinner and to know I have all the ingredients on hand. Also, I have been trying out some new recipes, which I love to do. I get almost giddy when trying something new. To make it EVEN better - my kitchen is big, with plenty of counter space, it makes cooking a joy.

If I can manage to do this every week, life will feel less hectic - I hope. Tonight I am making macaroni and goat cheese with spinach - this is a new one I'm trying and I let S pick it from the menu. Let's hope it turns out well. :)

Grinch Computer Glitch

2009-12-23T13:29:00.002-05:00

Happy almost Christmas y'all! I am sitting here with cookies in the oven - favorite santa apron on - cheesy Christmas music playing on the digital cable - fireplace on...sounds perfect - right?

Did I mention that I am typing this on S's laptop? Oh - well I am. You might ask - why? Well, Ill tell you..

My computer is a bit old, about 6 years - I got it when I was doing some graduate work..So, it has become a bit slow. So we hired a computer geek to come and fix it..Well, he fixed it so well, it no longer works, no internet connection. I LOVE flushing money down the toilet. This poor excuse of a professional tinkered for 2 hours - only to claim that he didn't know why the computer no longer worked. He was suppose to come back last night - did he show? NOPE. Happy holidays to you too jerk. I don't understand how someone who advertises computer expertise could come into someone's home and pretty much break their computer. SHEESH!

So, now I have to figure out what to do next - was thinking of calling the Geek Squad from Best Buy. Anyone have any suggestions? Oh and the name of this impostor is Eric - don't hire him...

Time to get the cookies out and put more in the oven.
I wish you all a wonderful - happy - computer glitch free Christmas!
xo

It's Christmas Time in Hollis Queens

2009-12-16T19:27:00.003-05:00

Actually, it's Christmas time in Loudonville, deep in the burbs.. I am making cookie dough for cookies to be baked for next week. S is in NYC for work, so I am on my own. So I thought, why not put on some some Christmas tunes while making the dough? And that I did.

My choice tonight is "A Very Special Christmas", the original 1987 offering. And it got me to remembering, as tunes usually do. The first time I heard this album was senior year of high school. Yes, I'm THAT old..heh..Anyhow, my high school had an annual semi formal dance for the holidays called the "Holly Ball" and yes, the above photo is of me ready to go with big hair and cheesy 17 year old smile..As this event neared, the buzz in the halls was that noone was throwing an after party...And I got to thinking......I was fortunate to have a mom who was cool enough (and she still is) to allow me to throw a party without her being home. Big Sister was put in charge.

My friends and I bought all the necessary snacks and beverages (yes, even THOSE kind) and we were ready to go. It was planned that only juniors and seniors were allowed to attend, as I was afraid of younger kids drinking too much and getting sick all over the gold plush carpet in the living room. My friend J and I had dates who were big dumb football players so we put them at the door as bouncers. Big Sister was the "key master" and took everyone's keys, tho most of the kids arrived in limos..

So there we were, in all of our teen-aged coolness with cheap beer, big hair and cocktail dresses having a ball. I start to hear the same music being played over and over again. So I walked to the turntable (yikes!) and saw this album spinning. It had JUST come out and Big Sister had brought it home from college where she worked at the radio station.

This album had all of the popular artists at the time (Bon Jovi, Pointer Sisters, U2, Bruce Springsteen, Run DMC) doing their versions of popular age old Christmas songs. We listened to that album what seemed like a million times that night and loved every minute of it!

Now, I have the album on cd and break it out every year and reminisce about being a high school senior with big hair and an attitude. Life in 1987 was SO much different on so many levels. I still giggle when i think of my post-Holly Ball bash that night - what a blast!

Do you remember where you were when you first heard this album? I hope you were having as much fun as I was.
xo

Christmas Time is Here

2009-12-16T13:14:00.002-05:00

Yes, unless you have been living under a rock - you have experienced the lights, the music, the ads and the traffic..As it is a hectic time of year - I have promised myself to stay low key and low stress - which worked out perfect as a bit of a minor health issue has kept me wayyyyyy low key (no pilates!!!!) for the past week or so..

So, despite the fact that I am keeping everything small this year - it does not mean that I don't enjoy the season. To show y'all this - I am re-posting a post from last year - re-writing the 12 days of Christmas - hope you like it..:)

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming, (yikes - that is so loud! why not 12 pianists softly piano-ing?)
Eleven pipers piping, (again, could be loud - but nice, I'm sure...maybe 11 sets of earplugs)
Ten lords a-leaping, (leaping? as in jumping? They might get hurt, better make them tiptoe)
Nine ladies dancing, (OK - something I can relate to - I hope they are my friends tho, would hate to get 9 random ladies dancing...and am I allowed to join them? SO maybe there should only be 8)
Eight maids a-milking, (maids? milking what? OK, how about pouring milk? Maybe some soymilk into my coffee? Why 8 - I don't know)
Seven swans a-swimming, (In this weather? How about seals? They do well in the cold and they are cute too)
Six geese a-laying, (Hmm, I hope they are laying eggs, Cause geese poo is impossible to get out of your shoe!)
Five golden rings, (OK, something else I can relate too, might they be encrusted with jewels too?)
Four calling birds, (Who are they calling? Don't they tweet? or sing? How about 4 tweeting birds)
Three French hens, (Whats wrong with American hens? This song is un-American - clearly written by a hater of freedom)
Two turtledoves, (No more birds! Ill take 2 turtle necks in this weather!)
And a partridge in a pear tree!( Hmmm...Well, I used to have a pear tree in the yard until it was struck by lightning - and I did used to LOVE going to the Partridge Pub..So, I will take this homage to my past from my true love....)

Do you have any additions to this merriment?

Snoopy V. The Red Baron

2009-12-04T10:31:00.002-05:00

Happy Friday y'all!
I dare you - just TRY to watch this video and not grin, smile, tap your feet or get the warm fuzzies...

Superlatives

2009-12-01T13:34:00.002-05:00

According to Dictionary.com, the definition of superlative is; of the highest kind, quality, or order; surpassing all else or others.

Over the years, different superlatives have been in use, sometimes overused. I just over heard someone say:
"That was mad funny" the word mad was SO overused at one point - I thought it had disappeared - hoped is more like it.

It got me to thinking, what other superlatives have come and gone? And why isn't the word "really" enough anymore?

For example....
"Wicked" as in how my former brother in law from Boston would say "That was wicked cool!"
"Totally" as in "I am totally stoked."
"Tres" as in those trying to sound like they are smart and know French "That party was tres boring"
"Amazingly" as in "The eggs were amazingly runny"

What do you have to add to the list? What do you hear all the time that makes you want to poke out the eye of the person speaking?

Just some food for thought on the first day of December..

Here We Go Again...

2009-11-29T12:19:00.002-05:00

Happy sunny Sunday y'all! Its great to have the front door open to let the sunshine in...

So, it seems as tho another holiday season is upon us..I survived Thanksgiving, I am bloated and tired, but I had fun. It was alot of prep - many lists made and shopping trips - scheduling and cooking/baking..Outside of a trip to the E.R. on Wednesday night (I will NEVER again try to do my own roots) - everything went well. The food was yummy, family were all is good spirits and the martinis were plentiful....

I can finally breathe just a little from the stresses of the past month or so - and I am thankful for that. The holiday season is long and can be difficult, but going into it with a level head and the idea of pairing it down, I think it should be fun. I have decided this year I am not going to drive myself crazy trying to make everything perfect. I just want to have fun..Honestly, I just want to get thru the next month or so without a complete meltdown....

So, lets all go down to the basement and pull out a few decorations!!!! Happy holidays. :)
xo

Not Much To Say..

2009-11-06T15:23:00.002-05:00

So, I have not been here in a bit - apologies to anyone who is out there looking for new blog entries [taps on the computer screen] hellllllooooo? anyone there?

Anyhow, the truth is - I have not had alot of downtime to visit..Now, I have always hated those "I'm too busy" people" - you know the ones - they take weeks to call you back, are impossible to get together with, and all they ever talk about is how SO busy they are..I aways thought this to be an ego thing - the more busy one appears,, the more important they must be..ick - so annoying..

BUT, what I have discovered is, it is not at all about ego..it is about life throwing so much stuff at you all at once, you feel like you are playing dodge ball in gym class (and not the kind with any rules). The past month or so have been like that for me. Many situations, concerns and downright sh*t has been flung at me..Yes, I am good at dodging and when unable to dodge, I face said situation, concern, sh*t - very well I would like to think. Doing this everyday is tiring..both mentally and physically. As I'm sure y'all can relate to - after A DAY, any free time you might squeeze out is preferred to be spent having a cocktail with your SO, or maybe quietly staring at the wall for a bit..Putting witty thoughtful well, thoughts, together seems quite impossible..

So there it is, life has been quite the roller coaster for a bit of a while, thus preventing me from having much to say here in my little space in the blog-o-sphere. Writing to me has always been an escape from times like this, but right now, my go to escape isn't even helping. I am left to trying to remember to breathe and stay positive that every day will be better than the one before and my life's out of control spin cycle will end, or at least slow down - cause I miss my little blog!

So, I pose this question - what is the best way to regain control when you feel like it is slipping away? I found that deep breathing and maintaining my pilates workouts has been enough to keep me sane - but what else is out there to help?

Bad 70's Music Warning

2009-10-21T15:53:00.003-04:00

I can't help it - I LOVE the Captain and Tenille - these are the sounds of hot summer days and swimming at Lincoln Pool....I hope it makes you giggle and not embarrassed for actually knowing the words! :)

Falling Leaves and Temperatures

2009-10-14T11:28:00.004-04:00

Happy Wednesday! Half-way to the weekend -it always makes me smile when that light turns on that is at the end of the icky work-week tunnel - I wonder if it is one of the funny shaped energy efficient ones...

Anyhow, as you know, fall has fallen, autumn has arrived, the frost is on the pumpkin - etc....As I was trying to pry myself out of the warm toasty bed this morning -I got to thinking about how much changes in one's life as the seasons change..Attitudes, moods, sleep patterns, eating habits, clothing selections....It is pretty amazing that we can adjust to such extreme temp changes, tho - admittedly not very well sometimes (!)..

So I thought I would list some of the "situations" that change for me from summer to fall - and then (if I can remember) I will do the same for fall into winter..;) So here is a little chart for your enjoyment...

Summer - Up late
Winter - Can't stay awake past 10:00

Summer - Flip flops
Winter - Boots (cant wait to wear the Uggs)

Summer - Happy
Winter - Grumpy

Summer - Beach time and bikinis
Winter - Vermont and wool

Summer - Crisp high thread count sheets
Winter - Flannel sheets rife with static electricity

Summer - Flowery Body Spray
Winter - Chanel No.5

Summer - Salads
Winter - CARBS

Summer - Tan
Winter - Casper the pasty ghost..

Ok - now you - what changes in your "everyday" from summer to fall? I noticed that even the sun looks different - as we get further away from summer - so do we from the sun..I hate to see her retreat - COME BACK! I'M COLD!

So - of to the farmers market - apples for apple crisp - yummy! :)
xo

Feel Like Being A Kid..

2009-10-09T13:12:00.002-04:00

Happy Friday! I hope y'all have fun weekend plans! S and i are heading up to Vermont tonight for the Fall Festival at Stratton Mountain..I am looking forward to some leaf peeping, fun times and (of course) shopping in Manchester..I have decided that this is the year in which I will buy a pair of Uggs..Yup - gonna do it - just watch me..

Anyhow, as I have mentioned in previous posts, my bear Snuffles is very important to me - laugh if you wish - but I still carry him around the house sometimes like a little kid..So, in honor of my favorite bear - I present to you, two video clips that show his awesome dance moves (along with a bunch of his brothers/sisters/cousins) etc. I hope these clips make you giggle and feel - if even for a brief second - free - like a child does, no worries, bills, obligations...Just a child playing with stuffed animals..oh - I should mention, I did not film these clips, they are on you-tube..:)

What a Load of Bull!

2009-09-29T13:24:00.002-04:00

I came across a story this morning, about a bull on his way to a slaughter house who had other ideas. NO WAY was he going to end up on someone's plate, so he made a break for it - and got pretty far - even making a mockery of the local police. But, in the end, the beast was shot with sedation and taken back to the slaughter house. Now, here is where it gets unfortunate. Because the bull had been injected with a sedative, he could not be slaughtered for food, according to the FDA. So he was "killed and thrown out." Thrown out where?! I assure you that S would never be able to move the garbage can down the driveway if there was a dead bull in it. Where was said bull "thrown"? Was he made a pair of cement shoes? Is he resting peacefully beside Jimmy Hoffa? Seriously, am I to understand that there was nothing else the authorities could have done with this bull?

I understand the FDA concerns about the sedative being in the bull's system and thus, he would not be suitable to be eaten..But to just throw it away seems so cold and heartless...What do you think? See the story below..

PATERSON, N.J. -- A 1,400-pound bull took a several-block run down city streets Monday morning after escaping from a slaughterhouse, but it wasn't able to elude its fate even after sending police on a half-hour chase.

The bull was being unloaded from a truck into ENA Meat Packing Inc. when it broke loose just before 8:30 a.m., said Paterson's chief animal control officer, John DeCando.

"Instead of him going into his cage, he went down East Seventh," he said. "He was running rampant and was just exhausted."

The driver of a cattle truck opened a side door to the truck to push the bull out the back of the vehicle, but it ran out the door. A crowd of meatpacking workers followed close behind.

"We were just trying to scare him back," said Steve Moneusse, who works at the plant.

Crowds of local workers came out to take pictures of the bizarre chase.

"Oh my God, I was scared," said Steve Fostok, who had dropped off metal at a nearby scrap yard. "He was coming this way. He was running back and forth. It was very confusing for the cops. It could have killed me."

At one point, the bull ran into a loading dock next to the East Seventh Street Promotions factory, knocking over a garbage bin and running into cars.

"It was like the running of the bulls around here for an hour," said Jeffrey Klein, the promotional company's owner. "He was probably scared he was going to be ground chuck."

Slaughterhouse workers and police used a rope to lasso the bull, but it dragged more than five officers and workers behind it. Officers then tried to use their vehicles to block its path, but it maneuvered around them.

Finally, police wrapped the rope around a light post in another area and DeCando, the animal control officer, injected it with a sedative, which took about three or four minutes to kick in.

"Police did a fantastic job corralling him," DeCando said. "The adrenaline in that bull is unbelievable."

Workers loaded the bull onto a palette and drove it back to the meatpacking company on a forklift. Because the FDA requires all animals to be healthy and walk into a slaughter area -- and because the beast was drugged -- it was killed and thrown out, workers said.

"That's sad," Klein said. "It's watching something like that that makes you consider being a vegetarian."

Quote of the Day

2009-09-25T16:30:00.002-04:00

So, fall is here as of this week. Early falls means alot of things - one of them being the fact that Ragweed is in full bloom - sending me into full on allergy attack mode. Because of this - I am often sleepy - as I am this afternoon. To alleviate my sleepiness, I bought yet another bottle of Snapple Noni Berry - it has just enough caffeine in it to wake me up a bit, with very few calories. And with the bottle of Noni Berry comes the "Quote of the Day."

"A baby caribou can outrun its mother at 3 days old."

Interesting. Can you imagine an infant running? Much less faster than his or her mom?

Food for thought on a sunny, but chilly Friday..
xo

Thursday Giggle

2009-09-03T14:04:00.003-04:00

I had to post this as it still, after all these years, makes me laugh really hard. Does anyone remember the character Muttley from the Hana Barbara cartoon "Wacky Races"? This was one of the cartoons that I enjoyed a a little one - and it still tickles me..Hope you get a giggle out of this..well..giggle. :)
xo

"Weather" or Not to Enjoy the Fall

2009-09-02T13:47:00.002-04:00

As the nights get cooler and days get a bit shorter, I have heard many different reactions.
"I'm Not ready for the fall."
"I am so excited for the fall!"
"Summer went too quickly."

I am one of those who does enjoy the change in season, I look forward to fall. Leaves change, time to break out the sweaters and boots, yummy soup in the dutch oven, apple picking, crucnchy leaves under your feet as you walk and of course my wedding anniversary...:) - These are a few of the things I enjoy most. What I DO NOT enjoy is the thought that winter comes after fall...I dread that season, but for now will look forward to that first falling red leaf.

What do you love/hate about the change of seasons? Particularly, summer into fall?
xo

Danger!!!! Curves Ahead.

2009-08-28T13:43:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I beat S home from work. I was lounging around for a bit when he walked in - the following interaction took place..

S - Have I told you how beautiful you are today?
Me - No - (big smile) Thanks honey!
S - You look so sexy with some meat on you..
Me - WHAT?!
S - I like it when you are curvy..(getting nervous)
Me - Are you calling me FAT?!
S - No, I'm just saying how beautiful you are..
Me - So you like me fat?!
S - No no, just curvy -

At this point, S became exasperated as a compliment on his part had turned into a panic attack on my part. Before you get all "real women have curves" on me, let me explain why I was in a MAJOR panic..

I was never heavy as a child, my mom fed us very healthy food - fresh and organic when available..As I went thru high school, my weight stayed normal - a few ups and down, typical teenage angst...Even college didn't find me with the "freshman 15", maybe 5..

It was after College that my weight took an upward turn. I blame too much draft beer at Bogies (anyone remember the old REAL Bogies? Going to see Strange Arrangement and sticking to the floor?), late night slices of pizza, throw in a bad relationship, low self esteem and no exercise and the scale will be strained. My weight shot up to an unfortunate number and my clothes size hit the double digits. I was the "heavy one" of the crowd, I tried to distract from my largeness by tanning, wearing a ton of makeup, way too big hair and baggy clothes. I was ridiculed by guys in bars - I can still remember being yelled at to "move my fat a*s" out of the way..I walked with my head down allot..

You always hear about drug addicts or alcoholics hitting "rock bottom", well I had my own. Even tho it was many years ago, I can still recall it vividly, trying cram myself into a pair of jeans on a cold New Years Eve, I had just purchased them and already they were too tight..Finally, after tugging and pulling, I said, or yelled to myself "THAT'S IT!!" I decided, then and there, that I HAD to make a change.. I changed my attitude toward food, my eating habits, I became a vegetarian, started to work out and the pounds left, hopefully never to return. This lead to my self esteem going back up, soon, I peeling myself away from said bad relationship and was on my way back to single digit sizes. I felt lighter, more upbeat.. I went from being the heavy one of the crowd to being the small one of the crowd..I am not saying that all of my problems melted away with the fat, but I was proud of myself, I had respect for myself and for the first time in a while, actually loved myself..

As you can imagine, to me, being heavy is more frightening than the boogie man. The time in my life when I packed on the pounds was unhappy, dark and angry. The only thing left from all those pounds ago are some unfortunate stretch marks, but thankfully over time, they have faded. To me, being heavy equals being unhappy. So the thought that I have gained some weight sends me directly into panic mode. Admittedly, I have been a bit lax in my discipline, so I have no one to blame but myself for the few pounds hanging around. But I know I can get back on track..

I by no means think curvy women are not beautiful, I understand the way our bodies look, especially as we age. I have been told that a few extra pounds are good as I am trying to get pregnant. My family and friends do not understand when I get upset if the scale goes up just a tiny bit. But it is something that is buried deep within my psyche, it is part of my being. Curves are something to be cherished, just not by me.

What do you think? As I write this, I am avoiding that cookie craving! :)
xo

A Very Important Date

2009-08-26T20:49:00.002-04:00

On this date in 1920, the 19th Amendment went into effect. Go ahead - consult your history book, I'll wait....

Ok, the 19th amendment gave women the right to vote. It went into effect in 1920..that was only 89 years ago..Yes, only 89 years. What is even more amazing to me than the short period of time that women have been able to vote, is the fact that there are women out there, of legal age, who still WILL NOT VOTE. The story of the Suffragettes is not a new one, everyone knows the key players, Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton etc. These women endured ridicule, isolation and in some instances, injury, both mental and physical, all to ensure women the right that men had enjoyed for many years, the right to vote.

This group of women believed in a cause and fought for it, they believed in it, they lived, ate and drank it. It is so inspiring to see how the movement succeeded. I tip my hat (if i were to wear one) to the mothers of this right. We, as women, should be thankful and honor their memory in casting our vote in EVERY election. It is the least we can do to honor their memory.

It makes me think about causes and movements. What causes are we fighting for these days? The war in Iraq? The President's proposed health care policy? The swine flu? What do we as a society, and we as women, really care about?

Food for thought on a cool August night..
xo

Random Musings

2009-08-25T14:08:00.002-04:00

Happy sunny day y'all! Here is what is bouncing around in my head....

Why cant I have less weight and more money?
If she makes so much money, why can't she buy some new clothes?!

Days are getting shorter - time for some new cashmere..

Four months till Christmas, can i skip it this year?

Calf cramping will be bad at pilates tonight...
Why am I so sleepy?

What can subdue overarching frustration? If only just a little...

And yes, the walking man walks...
Excuse my scrambled thoughts - just one of those days...or daze I suppose..

Vacation

2009-08-11T09:39:00.004-04:00

Greetings from sunny Wildwood Crest! What a fun place - S and I arrived yesterday in time for a bit of lunch and some beach time...
S's family is from this area and he introduced me to a most yummy snack that he enjoyed as a wee one - anyone ever had a Tasty Kake????
Yuumy! :)

Beach Bunny

2009-08-10T05:07:00.001-04:00

Do not adjust your computer screen - yes - it is 5:00 AM...WHY would I be up so early????? Time for a vacation with S...On the road to the beach..
Ill try to post about our fun in the sun - stay tuned an have a great day!
xo

Pilates

2009-08-07T12:35:00.002-04:00

I like to consider myself pretty fit, I am no athlete, but I hold my own. For as long as I have been working our regularly, my workout routines have consisted of various video tapes (dvds now), some weights, some just cardio, some circuit training..With my step and weights, my workouts were pretty challenging, but after a while became a bit predictable. I was looking for a change, something to shake it up a bit, yoga was great, but not quite what I was looking for..Then I discovered pilates, and I have never looked back..

Pilates is a method of exercise developed by Joseph Pilates while he was in an interment camp in Britain during WW1. After his release, he chose to come to America (New York City) and share his method. He opened a studio and soon, his workouts became popular with dancers, as a way to develop and further core strength..After his death in the 1960's, his wife carried on and since many have taken up the method and kept the exercise alive.

I went to my first private lesson in November of last year. The next day, I could not move, couldn't sit up, nothing. I had worked muscles I didn't know i had, and I thought - HOLY MOLY - what am I doing? But, I kept going and the pain did not stop, but became almost welcomed as I knew I was doing something good for my muscles and that I was not cheating during my workouts.

One of the things I love the most about pilates is the mind/body connection. You really have to concentrate on the movement, almost visualize the muscle you are trying to work, otherwise, it is easy to cheat, thus not getting any effect. I always walk out of my session feeling taller and stronger, as the focus is on proper posture and strengthening your core. My tummy is my no means flat, but I feel stronger in my gait and my posture has improved. My back pain is down to a dull roar and I feel as tho I have more control in my everyday movement. As a gymnast when I was a child, I learned the grace and control of movement and that is really at the heart of pilates.

So, I would recommend this workout to anyone and everyone. I go to the Pilates Principle on Route 9 and love the staff they are friendly and so helpful. I have been with the same instructor since I started and she is great! I feel as tho I have made major progress as I can now accomplish moves that when I started seemed impossible..The one that comes to mind is called the "Teaser"..yikes...check out the video...

Anyhow, try it out..I promise you will love this workout.
Happy Friday y'all! :)

Nightmare On My Street

2009-08-05T13:48:00.002-04:00

I have recently been suffering from a bout of insomnia. This is not the first time this sleep depriving oddity has occurred. Usually when I am stressed about something or facing a huge, life changing event, I can't sleep.

During the weeks before our wedding, I would lay awake, staring at the ceiling and wondering how everything was going to come together, timing, guests, will my dress fit? All of this while S slept soundly, snoring away. Again, before we moved out of our old house and into our new one, I would lay awake starting at the same ceiling, this time wondering how on earth can we afford this? And of course, S was far away in REM land, oblivious to my inability to fall asleep. He would, however, be made aware the next day, as a night without sleep or with little sleep causes me to be a grumpy, short tempered not nice person to be around..Anyhow, when these huge life changing events were completed, life and sleep would return to normal.

For the last month or so, I have had no problem falling asleep, it is staying asleep that is the problem. I would wake up about 2 hours after falling asleep and stay awake for hours..Why? There are no major life changing events going on right now, no big moves, no weddings, no births or deaths...So, why why why have I been having such a hard time sleeping? being a cranky dark circled eyed person is no fun..So I decided to take action.

I decided to try a sleep aid. Over the counter, safe, right? I don't need an addiction to sleeping pills, nor do I have any desire to end up like Lilly Bart (curse you Edith Wharton!)..So I purchased the PC brand of Advil PM. How much damage can this do? I was DESPERATE to sleep thru the night. The first few times I took it, it did not seem to do anything, I still was not sleeping thru the night. I was going to give up on it and go find a Shaman or hypnotist, I decided last night to try it one more time...

Well, I slept thru the night. Hold the applause, while I did sleep, it was anything but restful. My night journeys were convoluted, nonsensical and almost maniacal. The only other time I can remember dreams as surreal as those was while heavily medicated after surgery or while very sick. The night thankfully ended when S's blackberry alarm went off this morning causing me to yell "What the f*ck was that?!". Now, those of you who know me know I curse very infrequently, so imagine my surprise (and S's)at this loud exclamation first thing in the morning...I just hope L and D didn't hear me.

So here is the moral of my long rambling story. DO NOT take sleep aids..And if you do, consider yourself warned..I would take a sleepless night over a night of scary sleep any day. Anyone have any natural cures for insomnia?
Happy Sleeping y'all!
xo

Cute For A Rainy Friday..

2009-07-31T12:26:00.002-04:00

I can't live without my Snuffles. I came across this video - I never knew he had his own dance - the WAMP WAMP..
Hope this makes you giggle.
xo

Being Frugal Made My Hair Fall Out..

2009-07-29T13:14:00.002-04:00

Well, not all of it..Let me back up for a second..

In these dire economic times, it pays to be frugal, save money where you can and if you must invest, do so it wisely..Right, could someone please explain to me why folks do not act this way all the time? I clip coupons and shop sales, I try to never pay retail for anything and if I must, it is for something that will last me for a long long time..I was raised this way, my mom installed in us a sense of how important saving is. And why pay alot for something when you don't have to? After I graduated college, and money was tight, I was glad to know how to save and be frugal, it really is a great habit to get into. S and I play the "how much did we save this week" game at Price Chopper every week, I get giddy if the line on the bottom of my receipt that tells me how much I saved is over $20. Giddy, I mean all out acting like a little girl on her birthday because, hay, that $20 can be used toward our next vacation, furniture for our new house, or a couple of cocktails.

So anyhow, yes we are in hard economic times and now it is quite en vogue to be frugal. It has become America's obsession, stories on how to stretch your income grace the cover of magazines and newspapers. But guess what? All of this advice is common sense. Case in point, buy the generic or store brand when you can. I do this with ibuprofen, the only time I buy Advil is when it is on sale and I have a coupon that would make it less expensive that say the CVS brand, it does happen, but not very often.

Bottom line, save where you can. However, there are instances where paying alot for a product is worth it and it is very important to be aware of this. Let me explain. I came of age during the 1980's, that meant (among other fashion disasters) big hair. Remember it? Permed, teased, curling ironed, sprayed. We yanked, fried and dyed our locks until they were so frail, hair could be heard snapping off all over the city. So, with the abuse I used to put my hair thru, I figured it was time for some TLC. And I do this by splurging on salon products for my hair, pricey, yes, but really worth it. I may not perm and tease my hair anymore, but I color it, blow dry it and sometimes go at it with the flat iron. Taking care of my hair is important (to me anyhow)..

Ok, so I prefer the expensive salon products..I ran out of conditioner recently and thought I might try a regular brand that may be bought at the drugstore. So I did. BAD IDEA. My hair starting coming out in clumps in the shower, it was dry as straw and looked awful. After a week of that , I broke down and went back to my salon conditioner and I swear I heard my hair follicles thank me.

So, the point of this long and tedious blog entry is, be frugal where you can, but know when it is ok and sometimes necessary to splurge..Now that the track is open, maybe splurge on those $3 bets! :)

Bulldog and Bourbon

2009-07-27T13:44:00.002-04:00

After a hectic weekend with L and D, S and I some alone time last night..So we cooked. Our kitchen in the new house is nice and roomy, we still bump into eachother a bit, but not as much as we used to.

Before the cooking could begin, the cocktails had to be made, because I swear I cook better with a martini within reach. Anyhow, earlier in the day I had fit a visit to Empire Wine and Liqueur (Northway Mall, Central Ave)into my schedule of errands. With my mind set on a bottle of Junipero gin, I was disappointed to see that they were out of it. Feeling adventurous, I instead bought a bottle of Bulldog gin, and was on my way.. For those of you who are unaware, I am quite picky about my gin and the way my martinis are made, and this Bulldog did not disappoint. S made me my usual dry martini up with a twist, he is the best bartender husband EVER! Anyhow, the cocktail was amazing, the gin has a very clean taste to start, then the flavor sneaks up on you with just a hint of fragrance and that bite that is usually much stronger. I have to put Bulldog up there on the list of must have gins.

So, after the cocktails were made, dinner was next. I had a recipe for a bourbon marinade for salmon. I can't remember where I found it, somewhere on the web. It consists of bourbon (Even Williams was the one on hand, S likes that in his manhattans), garlic, soy sauce, ginger, lime juice, brown sugar and a few other ingredients I cant remember. The salmon marinated for about 1 1/2 hours (while S and I furniture shopped online and had another cocktail).

After the marinading was done, the salmon was dropped on a hot grill pan for a few minutes per side, meanwhile, I steamed some fresh green and yellow beans from the farmer's market and made some white rice. S plated (he is really good at that), sprinkled some chopped up scallions on the salmon and that was that..Really flavorful, and the marinade caramelized a bit in the pan. Heaven! A bottle of Smoking Loon sauvignon blanc and all was right with the world.

It's great when S and I can have some grown up alone time, it does not happen often, so when it does, we try to make the most of it. What do you and your so do with your alone time?

Happy 50th Birthday

2009-07-23T14:26:00.002-04:00

This year makes the 50th anniversary of Honda. I love Hondas - LOVE them..I got my first one, a Civic (no power steering, door locks or air conditioning) as I graduated from college in 1992. I drove that little black beast until 2005, when i took the rusted dented little fella to Kia Honda and traded him in and purchased a more grown up Accord (with air conditioning - yay!) When i realized it was time for a new car, I did not shop around a whole lot, buying another Honda felt right. During my time with the little Civic, money was tight and I was so thankful for a dependable car that got great gas mileage.

I always recommend these cars to those in the market, you just can't beat the dependability and gas mileage. They are not the most inexpensive cars, but well worth it. So, make a toast to Soichiro Honda,and enjoy this article from the NY Times chronicling the history of the brand Honda. All of this car discussion is reminding me that my car needs to be cleaned, anyone good at detailing? :)

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/12/automobiles/12honda.html

Quote of the Day

2009-07-21T15:01:00.002-04:00

So, I'm still mulling over the direction of my little blog - thanks Albany Jane for ideas - today's snacky food is salt free pretzels, Price Chopper brand, on sale this week for 2 for $3. They are quite yummy..

Anyhow, snacking on pretzels (despite being free of salt) tends to make one thirsty and I am always trying to stay hydrated.. Ask my Pilates instructor what happens when I try to make it thru a one hour session with her not being properly hydrated..yikes..So, in my attempt to stay hydrated, I opened a Snapple Noni Berry Juice Drink (only 10 calories!)and there is a quote on the inside of the top..

"Your eye expands up to 45% when looking at something pleasing." Now, I had no idea..Did you? Made me think....What do I see that is pleasing????

- S first thing in the morning with his bed head;
- Miles of a sandy beach;
- A sale rack at Macy's;
- My mom smile;
- An extra dry martini waiting for me to drink it...
Ok, now you...what is pleasing for you to see?

Flounder

2009-07-20T11:04:00.003-04:00

I'm not a big fan of flounder - probably my least favorite fish, to me, it lacks flavor - it is too mild. I envision it as the fish that is constantly bullied, I'm sure the salmon take it's lunch money everyday..

Anyhow, what is the point of this non-sequiter? you might ask..As of late, I feel like my little blog is floundering - with no real rhyme or reason or direction..I have to ask myself, what is the point of this little piece of the web that I am currently occupying? I wrote about the fun (not) that packing and moving were - What now? I wanted to document more about trying to start a family, but that has proven to be a bit too personal to share with cyber space..Which direction do I aim the boat now?

Any ideas/thoughts? There are tons of food blogs already out there and my cooking is not consistent enough to write a new entry every day or even every other day..fashion? politics? health? Any suggestions would be appreciated..I will also give this some thought.. :)

Hope y'all get out there and enjoy the sun while it is there. xo

LA Woman

2009-07-16T10:27:00.002-04:00

I heard that song this morning, by the Doors - love it - but now I can't get it out of my head - which is frustrating because I don't know all of the words, Ill have to google it- or better yet, try to find it on youtube. Anyhow, I do love the Doors, I see Jim Morrison as a poet, not so much a rock star, tho he did rise to stardom pretty quickly.

I have a theory about his death, as most (who care) do..I believe he faked his death and is living somewhere secluded writing poetry and loving life. What do you think? After reading the book "No one Gets Out Alive" (help! is that the correct title?), it became clear that he hated being a sex symbol rock star - all he wanted to do was write poetry..

Food for thought on a sticky humid ick morning - it is like Miami - without the ocean or fabulous people..;)

Fashion

2009-07-14T14:19:00.003-04:00

I came across this funny piece today that had me giggling - fashion runs in cycles, so they say - but why is this making a comeback???????

Harem Pants: WTF? - DivineCaroline

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Michael Jackson and Loss

2009-07-13T19:23:00.005-04:00

So, Michael Jackson died a few weeks back and unless you are living under a rock, you know it has been front and center in news, still. I read an interesting editorial about it in the TU over the weekend. The gist was, why are we so upset by the loss of celebrities? Why do people who have never met them cry over the loss? I don't know. When I heard the news of Michael jackson's passing, I thought "What a shame, he was so talented" and went on with my day. I didn't cry or sob or wail. It wasen't until I saw a few clips from his memorial that I felt something. Sadness and a sense of loss took over when I saw his family grief stricken at the loss of one of thier own. I shed a tear at the footage of his daughter breaking down while expressing her love for him. For the first time since I heard the news I felt really sad, sad for his family, for those he left behind.

These feelings of loss are not uncommon for me and I think that is why I am a bit sensitive to it. Many loved ones have left me for the trip to Heaven. And this particlular celebrity dealth made me think of my big sister, she left me many years ago, riddled with cancer and too weak to live. The connection is the album "Off the Wall". Yes, I said "album", she had this record on vinyl and we used to listen to it on the "High Fi" for hours and dance around like silly little girls, because we were. A loss like that changes you, life ceases to be what you once knew it to be and becomes something new and foreign and at times, not pleasent. Knowing that that is what his family is going thru makes me sad for them.

So I suppose the sadness I feel about the passing of Michael Jackson is for his family, because I know how hard it is to be left by a loved one, and not just one, my big brother took the train to Heaven too (tho I don't remember him dancing with us, he was too cool). I take a bit of comfort in the visual of my big sister and this giant celebrity dancing to "Off the Wall." Dance on big sister. xo

ps - the photo above is big sister, big brother and me, can you guess which one is me?

Happy Friday

2009-07-10T16:18:00.002-04:00

Please forgive my absence...Have not been too inspired to write as of late, but I will get back to it..starting tomorrow - I promise..Until then, please enjoy this video.. :)

I'm Just A Bill...

2009-06-16T14:17:00.001-04:00

New York Senate -A Banana Republic?

2009-06-16T13:55:00.003-04:00

Happy Tuesday y'all..The sun is (finally) out and it seems as tho summer might make an appearance after all.

So, I'm sure you have been following what is going on in the NYS Senate. For those who have not, last week there was a "coup" in the Senate, the object was to oust the Democrats from leadership. Well, then what? Nothing. Is it legal? I don't know..Neither political party wants to admit defeat, and both seek to claim victory. Both want to be in charge.

I suppose the want, the desire the NEED to dominate is pretty strong in us, some more than others. The consequences to such a trait are usually thrown by the wayside, all bets are off when it comes to a power struggle. All types of power struggles go on everywhere, every day with everyone. I see it as quite a common trait in us, we all want to be on top, no one wants to be the loser. How far these situations are taken is an entirely different matter. Wars have been waged, people have been killed. Now, there is no (physical) bloodshed in the Senate struggle, but there are some major consequences.

As I have mentioned, this attempted coup took place last week, on June 15. For those of you who don't know (or care), the legislative session is slated to end on, or about June 22. WHY wait until the 11th hour? This has ground all work to a halt, bills are not being passed, laws are not being created. There is no GOVERNING going on in the government. Oh sure, the Assembly is passing bills but, without the Senate passing the same bill, it does not become a law. Remember the Schoolhouse Rock song about the bill sitting on Capitol Hill? Well, there are a whole bunch of those little guys sitting here on State Street.

So basically, we are all sitting here in this HUGE marble government complex staring at the wall. All because a few Senators are acting like bullies on the playground. What they need is a good old fashioned game of "King of the Hill" - remember that game? Whoever was able to stand on the top of the hill without getting knocked off, wins.

I suppose the reason (one them) that this situation INFURIATES me is that nothing is being accomplished. NOTHING.. And ego is to blame. So many staff have worked their as*es off (including myself) to prepare bills to be passed...and they are sitting collecting dust. For who knows how long. ARAG...Any thoughts? Opinions?

Thanks for letting me rant a bit..A nice vacation will do me just fine..
xo

New York State Government

2009-06-09T13:38:00.001-04:00

Does it govern? I quote of one my favorite bloggers on the Senate leadership (alleged) that happened yesterday. More to follow - but here is the quote..

Also, I'm told by people familiar with the Senate rules that there was a way for the Democrats to stop what happened yesterday. They could have called an immediate executive session, which would have required the removal of everyone in the chamber but the leaders and their respective counsels.

Of course, the Democrats are very green to the whole running-the-chamber thing, which was part of the problem.

One Capitol veteran said: "There should be a drill about what to do when a privilaged leadership amendment is offered. You know: Break glass, pull lever. We used to do it all the time. We locked the chamber. We went down to New York City to drag members back to Albany. We turned back the clocks."

Blast from the Past

2009-06-04T16:32:00.002-04:00

I loved this song from the Movie Pretty in Pink. Enjoy the nostalgia. :)

Smoking

2009-06-04T12:27:00.002-04:00

Not as in "Wow, you are smoking hot!"....Smoking as in a habit, to smoke, to inhale...I am a smoker. (Please before you judge or get all ewwwww on me, read on)

As I was saying, I am a smoker. I started this unfortunate habit my first year of college, it was something to do between classes, a group to hang around with. Also, back then (late 1980's/early 1990's), you could smoke in bars, and pretty much everywhere) so why not light up? It seems as tho all my friends and pretty much everyone I knew had a pack of filtered goodness in their pocket or purse.

Inevitably, folks began to quit, smoking was being banned everywhere and it became something of a culturally unaccepted behavior. Standing outside to smoke has become quite unpleasant. I cannot tell you how many times folks have done that "COUGH COUGH" while walking by or said things under their breath. I understand second hand smoke is bad bad bad, that is why I am OUTSIDE.....

Anyhow, now that I am the only smoker left (out of my group of smoking friends), even S has quit, I have decided that it must be time to kick this habit. Not a problem, right? I have pretty good will power. Nope..Not when it comes to this. Nicotine is a drug, i am addicted to a drug. it is a scary thing to realize how addicting this substance is. I know quitting is the right thing to do for SO MANY REASONS...And I have confidence that I will be successful, I just know cold turkey is not for me.

So I will continue to try to ween myself off the smokes. I will keep you posted. Lets hope I don't gain a million pounds!

Tonight is the first Alive at 5 - have fun and be safe. :)

Hugs

2009-05-28T13:34:00.002-04:00

Well, happy soggy Thursday..I hope this rain is good for the flowers and grass and crops and blah blah blah...Honestly, it makes me crabby, crabby and hungry..

Anyhow, as I was grumbling around the house this morning, I heard bits of a story on the Today show about hugging. Yes, hugging. Ok, hugging is great - it lowers blood pressure, it warms you up...Nope. Hugging is bad and in some schools, not allowed. Hmm. I know we live in a litigious society but c'mon! Is a hug inappropriate? Maybe at a job interview or perhaps a Coach store (unless of course you score a great bag for a bargain), but at school? Where is the line drawn? No hugging, no hand shaking, no smiling, no talking. It is the age of swine flu breakouts y'know. I know - lets put the kids in zip lock bags and send them on their way.

Hugging was a big part of high school for my friends and me. I can remember greeting my friends in the hallways with hugs. It was just the way it went, and it didn't mean they were romantic hugs (all girl school), or inappropriate, they were hugs to say hi, to celebrate a test well taken, or mourn the loss of a boyfriend (which was quite common)..

In this day and age where we are so tied to our computers and virtual communication, the mere fact that hugging still exists is amazing. To not allow it in school is just ridiculous. Fostering personal communication is so important, especially in one's formative years. I certainly hope this trend of not allowing hugs does not continue and hope that those crazy kids keep hugging away!

Hugs to y'all! below is the link to the NYT article that was being discussed on the Today show. What do you think?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/28/style/28hugs.html

Proms

2009-05-26T14:14:00.002-04:00

Tis the season for proms. Girls buy poofy (at least in the 80's we did) dresses and boys rent tuxes, there is dancing and memory making.

I came across this article in the NY Times about segregated proms in the south. I just cannot FATHOM that in 2009 this type of segregation is still going on..so steeped in tradition that noone is willing to change it..

I thought this country was way more advanced than this - what type of message are we sending to these High School Seniors? ugh..

What do you think?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/24/magazine/24prom-t.html

Stuff

2009-05-22T15:54:00.002-04:00

Here is the George Carlin skit about "stuff"- - be ready to laugh really really hard! :)

Winds of Change

2009-05-22T14:11:00.003-04:00

"Times Change
People Leave
Constant Revolution"

The winds, or breezes of change are upon me. Good thing? I'm not sure.

As you know from my last post, we moved. We are happy in our new house living among boxes and frustration over where everything is..I have not felt this at home in a place since my little apartment on jay Street. I am really really happy, S and I have been working together like a well oiled machine, in sync in pretty much everything. My life is good. Really good. Just different.

It dawned on me today, how life changes. The temps today are in the low 80's and it feels great. Not that long ago, there was ice covering everything and being outside hurt any exposed skin. Today, expose all the skin you want (within reason of course) because it feels divine.. Anyhow, seasons change, everything changes. People come into your life, some stay, some leave. Homes are bought and sold, addresses change, phone numbers change, relationships change.

In the last month - so much has changed that I'm not sure what my life was all about before. I don't feel like looking back and trying to figure it out. I am actually (gasp) embracing the changes, the season, the relationships. It is refreshing, almost a shedding of skin to be out with the old and in with the new.

Life is now beginning for me. I had a wonderful life before, but now, it just seems more full, more content, more of what I had always dreamed of but never thought I could have.

So to answer the question as to if the winds (breezes) of change are a good thing - - H*LL YEA!
:)

New House

2009-05-04T15:03:00.001-04:00

Well, it is done. We moved in on Friday and i have the aching muscles to prove it..More details to follow. :)

Moving Soon

2009-04-25T16:23:00.007-04:00

Ok, first off, let me comment on the weather - because you KNOW how much I like to..Wow - sunny and hot, I mean probably high 70's. Words cannot describe how much I needed to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, into my bones..Thank you Mother Nature for warming up my soul.

So, here we are, getting ready to move. I know I have hinted and been a bit cryptic about this, but here it is...We will be moving next Friday into a beautiful four bedroom center hall colonial with finished basement and a three season room, solid surface counter tops and a ton more room than we have now. I have been asked if I am excited. Hmmmm. That is a harder question than I would have thought. In theory, I am looking forward to a new adventure, more room and hopefully some nice, fun neighbors. But am I excited? I'm not sure how I can be when there is so very much to do. Packing up a house while still living in it is proving to be really really hard and to honest, a pain in the as*. I wish I could blink my eyes and have it all done. It is almost taking all the fun out of the idea of a new home. I'm sure I'm not alone. But this is my first experience in moving a whole house. When I had apartments, I moved every two years, and honestly, how much can one fit into the small one bedrooms I used to rent?

I just spent a long time on shoes. Yes, shoes. Hunting down the boxes for them and then finding a box big enough to put the shoe boxes in. It reminded me of the George Carlin skit about finding places for your stuff and a house is just a place to hold your stuff. Who knew shoes would take so long, I suppose its partly because I have so many, but that is fodder for another entry.

Well, enough complaining about packing and moving. I feel extremely lucky that S and I were able to sell the house for full price and to find the perfect house within our price range, that we could secure a mortgage and actually be able to afford all of this. In this horrible economic day, I am fortunate to have a steady job with decent (cough cough) income..

So, I will try to stay positive and share with you scenes from today..

A living room full of boxes

L and D eing way too cute, obvilious of all of the hard work going on, I suppose that is the joy of being a little one.
:)

I Love Blogs #2

2009-04-23T14:00:00.002-04:00

I hope my loyal readers (hello? anyone out there?) don't think me lazy for my second reference to a blog entry from another instead of creating my own.

I'm a bit late on this as earth day has already passed - but it is still an interesting concept. Going vegetarian for the day - for the good of not only one's health but also for the environment. Interesting..

By the way, the blog on which this entry originated is called cooking4carnivores - also on blogspot. Its a great one that I encourage you to visit.

So check out this link and let me know what your thoughts are..
xo!

http://www.alternet.org/water/134650

I Love Blogs

2009-04-21T17:25:00.003-04:00

Which is why I decided to try my hand at one. Is it ok so far?

Anyhow, I found this on the TU blog called On The Edge - I follow this blog pretty regularly. There was a post today that made me laugh and roll my eyes. The following is a press release that announces to the, well press, an "exclusive" evening at a club in Saratoga. So much about this is funny and honestly, a bit annoying...So, given that this even is for a "certain clientele" I thought I would share it here. I think we are all very certain. Certain of what, I have no idea.

Thanks Kristi from the TU for posting this and for pointing out the eye rolling-ness of this, and of course the mis-spelled words... read and giggle, mockingly...

Dear future business associate,

We cordially invite you and your colleagues to join us on Saturday, April 25, 2009 for an evening of networking and live music.

Spring is known as the season of change, out with the old and in with the new. It’s with that in mind that we at Frontrunna Entertainment Group introduce you to the trendiest event to ever hit Saratoga, Society Twenty Five at Mare.

With our Grand Opening on Saturday, April 25th, we present a monthly event catered to a certain clientele, one with esquisite tastes in music, atmosphere, nightlife and especially social networking - the kind that doesn’t require a username or password.

Consider Society 25 as a Member’s Only affair of sorts, only those in the know, need to know. We aren’t promoting this event in the traditional sense, we are whispering it to our friends, colleagues and people who are just like us, young, successful, hip and mobile. This event will occur monthly, on the last Saturday, through the end of track season and we expect to quietly become the hottest ticket in town, consider yourself invited, by me personally. Save the date. E-mail me directly at Alexander.Collier@yahoo.com to be placed on my guest list.

Mare is located at 17 Maple Avenue in Saratoga Springs, NY

First floor: live dj spinning all of the hottest new music you love to dance to

Second floor: lounge area with leather sofas and chairs for you to socialize and mingle; live band playing original and cover tunes all night

Third floor: vip cigar bar area for invited guests only

25 and older: no exceptions: valid id required : passports ok | Cover is $25 per person or $25 per couple (special invited guests only, contact (me) for details).

Spring and Birthdays

2009-04-20T19:05:00.002-04:00

So April has arrived, bringing with it some warm weather, budding trees and my birthday..Spring has been viewed as a time of re-birth, new beginnings, awakenings..And during all of this newness, I celebrate my birthday..Growing up, birthdays were huge in my family, special dinners, special treatment, we all felt like the star of the show on our natal days..

So I celebrated another year on Saturday. I turned 39..And to be honest, I am a bit unsettled about it, and what is bugging me is that Im not quite sure why. I like where I am in my life, about to buy a new house and start a new adventure (yikes!), I have a wonderful husband, 2 great step sons, a loving mom and a great goup of friends. Life is pretty exciting these days (read: stressful), so Im not sure of the origin of this angst. Any idea? Is it the actual act of aging? Is it that I am accross the street from 40? I just dont know, what I do know is that I dont really like it..When I was getting ready to turn 30, i was dreading it - but once it happened, I was thrilled..I loved my early 30's..Why cant I love my late 30's?

Well, despite my anti-39 sentiments, it is here..So I suppose I should try to embrace it..And get to enjoying the spring..And finish pack up my house..We hope to close and move next week. I will keep you posted..Wish me luck that everything falls into place!

PS.. That cute chubby baby in the photo is me..on my first birthday - and that is my mom..wish I could be there again..

Childhood

2009-04-16T21:44:00.001-04:00

New Poetry Alert

2009-04-02T20:28:00.003-04:00

So I penned this, more like scribbled, this piece while watching the movie Purple Rain on TV a few weeks back. This movie came out when I was a freshman in high school and the music brings back memories of such a different time..Life is so different now, sometimes I long for the innocence and the idea of a "do over"...So here it is..

Purple Rain and tape cassettes.
Last century.
Old School.

High school, longing for experience, age.
Young.

Vinyl and rotary phones.
Curfews and cheap gas for big cars.
Homework while listening to the boom box.

Youth felt forever.
Hated, envious of age.

Somewhere, the album was flipped and skipped.

Cd's
Dvd's
Mp3's
Cell phones
Internet
Texting replaced speaking whole sentences.
Shortened to letters.
TTYL LMAO.

Too short on time.
No time.
Where is the time we used to hate?

Take me with you.

So there it is..What do you, my fellow Gen Xers think?
xo

Laughing

2009-03-30T13:29:00.003-04:00

Ok - this is the last silly cartoon for now..Another Family Guy clip.. I suppose during this crazy, stressful busy time, one need some seriously juvenile humor..enjoy folks..
WARNING..this clip contains potty humor..

More Comic Relief

2009-03-30T09:39:00.003-04:00

Last night S and I were in tears laughing at the Family Guy..We love that show! Tho I cant find the clip that had us doubled over, I wanted to share this funny one...
And I promise full disclosure on the housing situation as soon as all the t's are crossed and i's are dotted..
xo!

Some Comic Relief,,

2009-03-27T14:42:00.000-04:00

The Time is Near

2009-03-27T13:20:00.000-04:00

Quite near - so near my tummy is doing flips and flops.....

Watch this space for details...

Should have had a cocktail for lunch...;)

This Made Me So Sad

2009-03-25T11:06:00.007-04:00

This article in today's TU made me so sad that
I wanted to go home and crawl into bed with snuffles...

Meltdown impact extends to

abortion, birth control

Recession's impact felt even in
intimate decisions on abortion and family planning

By DAVID CRARY and MELANIE S. WELTE, Associated Press
Last updated: 4:05 p.m., Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The pregnant woman showed
up at the medical center in
flip-flops and in tears, after walking there to save bus fare.
Her boyfriend had lost his job,
she told her doctor in Oakland, Calif., and now -- fearing
harder times for her family -- she wanted to abort what
would have been her fourth child.

"This was a desired pregnancy -- she'd been getting

prenatal care -- but they re-evaluated expenses and

decided not to continue," said Dr. Pratima Gupta. "When

I was doing the options counseling, she interrupted me

halfway through, crying, and said, `Dr. Gupta, I just

walked here for an hour. I'm sure of my decision.'"

Other doctors are hearing similarly wrenching tales.

For many Americans, the recession is affecting their

most intimate decisions about sex and family planning.

Doctors and clinics are reporting that many women

are choosing abortions and men are having

vasectomies because they cannot afford a child.

Planned Parenthood of Illinois clinics performed

an all-time high number of abortions in January,

many of them motivated by the women's economic

worries, said CEO Steve Trombley, who declined

to give exact numbers. Abortions at Planned

Parenthood's St. Louis-area clinics were up

nearly 7 percent in the second half of 2008 from a

year earlier -- ending a stretch in which the numbers

were dwindling.

Planned Parenthood said it has no up-to-date national

abortion figures, nor do other private or government

agencies. However, Stephanie Poggi of the National

Network of Abortion Funds, which helps women in

need pay for abortions, said calls to the network's

national helpline have nearly quadrupled from a year ago.

"A lot of women who never thought they'd need

help are turning to us," Poggi said. "They're telling

us, 'I've already put off paying my rent, my

electric bill. I'm cutting back on my food.'

They've run through all the options."

Vicki Saporta, president of the National Abortion Federation,

said her organization's helpline is receiving many calls

from women who postponed an abortion while trying to

raise money to pay for it. Such delays often mean riskier

abortions at even higher cost -- the price can double

in the second trimester.

Among the women recently obtaining financial aid

was Lalita Peterson, 23, of Painesville, Ohio, who

in a thank-you note described the partial subsidy

of her abortion at Cleveland's Preterm clinic as

"probably the only relief I've felt during this very

lonely time."

Peterson, who is studying cosmetology and has

a 3-year-old daughter, learned in February that

she had become pregnant despite using contraception.

"I thought, 'I totally cannot afford another child,'"

she said in a telephone interview. "I knew immediately

what I had to do."

Peterson said she is a single mother, unable to collect

child support from her daughter's absent father a

nd struggling to get by with the help of food stamps.

Her financial situation, she said, "is tighter than tight."

Sometimes, the decision goes the other way.

Brooke Holycross, 25, of Port Orange, Fla., was

offered financial assistance for an abortion and

went to the clinic this month, but changed her

mind after seeing a sonogram of the 15-week-old

fetus. Holycross already has three daughters, and

her common-law husband was laid off.

"We're in a spot where we're scared," she said.

"Babies are expensive. ... I'm just praying to God I

did the right thing."

In Pittsburgh, newlyweds Mindi and Marc Feldstein

are nowhere near that level of desperation --

she is a schoolteacher and he owns a cheesesteak

restaurant. They hope to have a child soon, but Mindi

said recession-related worries have convinced her

that she will need to keep working and abandon her

long-held dream of stay-at-home motherhood.

If they were younger, they might have delayed

having kids to wait out the recession, she said.

"But I'm 36, Marc is 39," she said. "At this point

we want a family more than we fear what the economy is doing."

Dr. J. Stephen Jones, a urologist at the Cleveland Clinic,

said he has seen a surge of men seeking vasectomies,

with his monthly caseload rising from about 45 to

more than 70 since November. He said most of the men

were married, had kids, decided they couldn't afford

more and opted to get a vasectomy while they still

had job-related health insurance.

"Several articulated very forcefully that the economy

was the motive," Jones said. "I have a long discussion

with them and ask if there's any chance they still might

want kids. They say they know it's time."

Similarly, Jenifer Vick of Planned Parenthood of

ast Central Iowa said there has been a sharp rise in

the number of women who need help paying for birth

control because they or their husbands have lost their

jobs and their health insurance.

"What they're experiencing is, 'Oh, my gosh, how am

I going to pay now that full price for my birth control pills?'"

Vick said.

Dr. Anne Davis of New York City, medical director of

Physicians for Reproductive Choice and Health, said

one of her married patients recently became pregnant

with what would have been her third child.

Because the husband was self-employed, the couple

could afford only a low-cost family health policy

without maternity benefits, Davis said. They e

stimated the birth would cost at least $30,000 and

reluctantly opted for abortion.

"They said that if it had been five years ago, they

could have made it, but right now they're barely

hanging on," Davis said. "It was a very calculated

decision to say `We can't do this.'"

Paula Gianino, president and CEO of Planned Parenthood

of the St. Louis Region, said the recession clearly was a

factor behind the rising abortion numbers late last year

at the six clinics she oversees.

"Unfortunately we see women who are making

decisions about terminating a pregnancy because

of the severe economic crisis they're facing," she said.

"They simply don't believe they can afford to bring

nother child into the world."

Some experts believe such concerns over the recession
may have an affect on the overall U.S. birth rate, possibly
reversing the trends that resulted in last week's government
report that a record number of babies were born in the U.S. in 2007.

If there is an upside to the current sobering trends,

say family-planning advocates, it may be that federal and

state policymakers will boost public funding of contraception.

"We're seeing a receptivity among our legislators to hear about

prevention policies," said Lori Lamerand, CEO of Planned

Parenthood of Mid and South Michigan. "Folks who wouldn't

have opened the doors to a Planned Parenthood representative

are now willing to talk to us."

What I don't understand is, th price of condoms have not
gone up.......Im just speechless...

What if God Was One of Us?

2009-03-21T11:31:00.002-04:00

Remember that Joan Osbourne song?
"What if God was one of us, just a stranger on a bus, trying to make his way home, like a holy rolling stone?".

What a great song..S and I saw Joan Osborne at Alive at 5 last summer, what an amazing energizing show, we danced and sang and drank warm flat beer...Ah summer...

Anyhow, back to the question, what if God was really one of us? I would want to sit down with him or Her (despite my feminist leanings, I believe God is indeed a man, if he were a woman, she would insist on having cocktails once a month and dishing dirt on plans and gossip), and ask questions. So much of one's life is lived blindly. In that I mean, we don't know, really, what tomorrow or the next day will bring.. Is it wrong to want a peek at his plan for us? I am of the mind that everything happens for a reason...I just don't know what that reason might be, and it sometimes drives me crazy..

Am I ranting?

What is the plan for S and I? Things happen that I don't understand. Case in point, we sold the house in a day, yes, ONE day.. Which is amazing given the economy. However, we have no house to move into, not thinking the house would sell that fast, we hadn't had a chance to find our dream house. So we are scrambling around like two crazy people trying like hel* to find our next place to live..Where will we land? I hate the thought of having to move into an apartment until we can locate our dream house, but that might end up being the case. Again, why? Is there some odd lesson that we are suppose to learn out of this exhausting exercise?

The second question I would ask my favorite Deity would be, where is our baby? Is there a reason we have not been able to conceive? Are we not fit? Of course we are, we both want a little one. I look around and it seems as tho everyone has a little one.. Why them and not us? Is it a timing issue? Are we suppose to wait until we find said dream house with a nursery next to the master bedroom? Or, is it that we were not meant to have one and we are suppose to travel and buy sports cars?

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe our lives are lead day by day, with no "master plan" out there..Maybe life is just a series of events, unrelated and haphazard, no plan, just spontaneity...I have spent a better part of my life clinging to the idea that everything happens for a reason - have I been doing that to explain events in my life that defy explanation? Situations that reek of nonsense..Who knows? That guy on the bus knows, but he wont talk. As I said, if God were a woman, she would have a martini with you and explain everything and maybe even go shopping with you..

So, what is your take? Haphazard series of events or a master plan? Just a bit of food for thought on a sunny Saturday..
xo

Pillow Talk

2009-03-18T12:54:00.002-04:00

My birthday is one month from today...Just so you know....

Anyhow, I am thinking about sleep today. Not just because it is one of my favorite past times, but because at work, I witness various forms of it on a daily basis..Yes, at work...Now, don't get me wrong, I have often thought about taking a cat nap after a night of one too many martinis..Heck, I have even closed my door for a few minutes to relax with my feet up on my desk, for a few minutes..But that is not what I am witnessing.

Two folks who work close to me are often sleeping. I'm talking about snoring, drooling, falling out of chairs sleeping..probably deep in Rem mode while the rest of us have to suffer threw being awake..Am I wrong to be baffled and annoyed? One of the folks sits in the front office - Yup - front line..So, anyone coming into the office gets to see sleeping beauty probably dreaming about winning the lottery so she can buy a few more cats..

The heavy sleepers have become sort of a joke around the floor and it is funny, to a point..With the economy the way it is and so many people who are jobless, it seems unfair to me that the sleepers get to keep their jobs. Do we have to specify in a job posting "must be able to stay awake for up to 8 hours at a time.."? The powers that be know of the sleeping patterns of these two folks and have decided to turn a blind eye...Really? So maybe I can start coming to work in my jammies with Snuffles in tow and maybe I would get a raise???
I'm just sayin.....
OY!
I hope y'all are enjoying the sunshine..xo

Great Event

2009-03-11T15:39:00.002-04:00

I am NOT going to blog about house selling or buying today....Lets just leave it at that...
Anyhow, here is a great event that I wanted to tell you (whoever you might be) about..See you there!

write
HERE

Saturday, April 4 | 9:30 am – 12:00 pm | $5
tickets
At The Arts Center of the Capital Region

Panel Discussion | Resource Fair | Networking
Do you write here? Do you know the local resources?

Join us for a Panel Discussion and Resource fair
that will highlight the extensive writing resources
available in the Capital District. This is a great chance
to network with writers and small publishers.

This event is sponsored by The Hudson Valley Writers
Guild and The Arts Center of the Capital Region.

For more information, contact HVWG at
(518) 449.8069 or hvwginfo@gmail.com.
Saturday, April 4 | 9:30 am – 12:00 pm | $5 tickets

Two Words

2009-02-27T21:25:00.002-05:00

SIXTY DAYS..

More info to follow.
xo

It's Herrrrrrrrre!

2009-02-19T11:36:00.002-05:00

Let me set the scene....

I had a long afternoon yesterday working in another office on a project that placed me at a computer for what felt like a million hours..I finally pulled myself away at around 6:15..By this time is was snow/raining and the wind was howling, that coupled with an icy sidewalk made for a challenging walk to another building to attempt to get to my car to get home. Only that door was not in use, so I was forced to hobble across more ice and thru more wind...I finally got to my car, cleaned off my snowy glasses and got on my way. I stopped off for a few hair products and proceeded to drive down my street to my warm inviting, albeit empty, house..As I approach said house, something was off. had I driven down the wrong street in my fuzzy eye computer haze? Nope..What was that? O SH*T! The "for sale" sign had appeared sometime during the day. It is real and last night, quite in my face..

Now, as I have told you, I am excited to move into a bigger house, a change is needed. However, I was not expecting to see the sign last night. It really brought home (no pun intended) the fact that that my house is on the market. That someone (hopefully) will walk thru it and decide they want to live there. So many emotions went thru my mind as i mixed my dry martini..Excitement, fear, dread...I suppose this is natural..I have lived there for almost 9 years...

So, now I wait for the listing to hit the internet and the showings to start. This is the start of something big for S and me. A new adventure for us to experience together..I wished he was home last night to share in my emotions, instead of off in a different time zone. But I'm sure when he returns, he too will be overwhelmed with emotions, probably different ones tho.

What do y'all think? Moving is a good thing.....Right?
:)

More of Those Random Musings

2009-02-10T13:14:00.002-05:00

Happy Tuesday....Hey, there is a bit of ice melt going on out there..woo-hoo.

Ok, onto the musings....

Why was the traffic moving so slow this morning? Was I speeding?
It is warm-ish outside, feels like fall. Oh yikes! NO! Spring - it must feel like spring..

Why are professional athletes so dumb sometimes? Smoking pot and taking steroids are generally not allowed..
Paperwork is signed sealed and delivered to list my house - OH SH*T! Calm - deep breath....

Why am I so gosh darn hungry today? More food please..i don't want to chew anymore gum.
Pilates tonight - yay!

Kinda tired....Could not get moving this morning..Oh Well...
xo!

The Time is Now

2009-02-09T12:50:00.003-05:00

No more putting it off. No more waiting. It is time....

(Que the dramatic music) DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNN.

We are finally jumping into the real estate market - officially.. Finally right? We have been discussing, planning and mapping out strategies, since late last summer. Just when we were ready, the market went into the floor. Then the holidays came and well, who wants to deal with showing a house during the holidays? So it was "tabled" until after the first of the year...And so, here we are, ready. No more roadblocks or hurdles. well, I suppose a big mortgage payment will be a bit of a hurdle, especially when I need, NEED that new Coach bag..

I have such mixed emotions about potentially moving. I am excited to start another chapter in my life with S. So far, marriage has been quite a journey of experiences, and I see this as another one. A new house will be "ours", instead of mine, that everyone moved into. I like the thought of having something that big together (a baby would be nice too, but who asked me?). In some sort of add way, it makes me feel more married, if that is even possible. The more we do and experience together, the closer I feel to him.

Anyhow, back to thoughts of moving and a new house. I have been in that house for almost 9 years. I know the neighborhood, the commute distance, what time the sun takes leave of the deck in the summer (3:00 pm if anyone is interested).. I have become very comfortable. To change all that is scary for me. In some ways, I'm like your grandmother, or any other older folks, I DON'T DO WELL WITH CHANGE....I'm not sure why, I have some theories (more on that if you want to be my therapist). But, I also know that change is good. We need more room and yes, a house that is in every sense of the word "ours".

So, tonight we have photos taken of the rooms (that I ran around yesterday trying to clean and de-clutter), sign some paperwork and make it all official.. Yikes! My tummy is flip flopping just thinking about it..

Happy sunny day y'all! xo

Baby Watch 09

2009-02-06T11:59:00.003-05:00

Happy Friday y'all - I hope everyone has warm mittens today - its another cold one! This is not an entry regarding the weather (que the applause)..

I just cant take anymore of this. "What" you might ask? The news of the woman who gave birth to eight babies. As more details emerge, the more I want to scream. She now has 14 children, all I want is one (not one of hers of course, one of my own).

As I'm sure you all have heard the story, unemployed, single, living with her folks and the kicker here is that she already had six children. SIX! I think what really sent me over the edge was the snippet of the interview she did with Ann Curry. She was blabbing on about how, because she isn't working, she is giving "herself" to her children, that many parents don't do that and that is selfish...Yup, this woman had the NERVE to call parents who work hard to support their children in order to provide food, shelter and education selfish. Ugh. Her utter lack of what is reality makes me cringe. She wanted children. Fine. So do I. But she had a lack of regard for them, she could not see beyond her own need to see the needs of these little babies, these mini people. Their health, their future, all unsure and at risk because she HAD to have children, and allot of them. Not just one.

The other piece of information that I learned that sent those bubbles brewing was that the "donor" was a "friend" and that she hopes, HOPES, he will be involved in raising this gaggle of children. It is all so surreal, how one person can have such issues, such dysfunction and have children.

S and I have been married for going on 15 months, we were together three-sh years before we got married. We both have good paying jobs. We love each other. We have plans for the future for a little person. We are ready. It just seems so unfair in the cosmic sense that a woman who is obviously unfit can have 14 children and S and I, who have everything that a little one would need (including two big brothers) have not been able to get pregnant.

My Dad used to always say, when I would whine about something not being fair, "Get used to it, life isn't fair". I find myself saying that quite frequently. But it doesn't mean i have to like it.

I want to be a politician

2009-01-30T14:26:00.002-05:00

And get away with this...

From the NY Times....

QUOTATION OF THE DAY
"I did a lot of things that were mostly right." GOV. ROD R. BLAGOJEVICH, at his impeachment trial in Illinois. I have nothing more to add. Happy weekend y'all! :) .

Grown up Snow Day

2009-01-18T10:12:00.002-05:00

Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy.
Hello lamppost,What cha knowing?
I've come to watch your flowers growing.
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in' doo-doo,Feelin' groovy.
Got no deeds to do,No promises to keep.
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep.
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me.
Life, I love you,All is groovy.

Well, I wont be skipping down any cobblestones today - Im at the ski house in Vermont, snowed in - S took the truck to the mountain to ski with L and D - and Im here holding down the fort.

I sometimes - well often - feel antsy when here all day while they ski - but not today..
I woke to a fresh coating of snow and big fluffy flakes falling from the winter white sky..It made me feel like a kid on a snow day..
Like Paul Simon says "got no deeds to do" - its true - the only thing I need to accomplish today is relaxation.

Sitting here on the sofa under a blanket, the trees appear to be coated in frosting, like giant pine tree cakes. The scene outside the window reminds me of a postcard, "Winter at Stratton Mountain". There is a certain peace that comes from being forced to stay put, forced to slow down, have a second cookie maybe.

My life is hectic, at times - downright nuts..We are getting the house ready to enter the market now that interest rates are rock bottom. Things will be even more intense - so this day is a bit of a blessing. I figured I would take advantage and recharge my battery, my mind, my spirit. Sound too new age? I don't think so, my Mom is always telling me to take care of myself - so today, I will. Ill stay under the blanket for a while, drinking coffee, maybe I will have a cookie for breakfast. I might even go out and play in the snow, channel that little girl inside of me who used to love to go sledding on cold snowy snow days.

Life I love you, all is groovy..
Why don't you do the same? Slow, and make that moment last..
xo

Da Funk

2009-01-09T13:28:00.003-05:00

And I'm not talking about funk in terms of music - that is good funk....What I'm referring to is a "Funk", as in a mood, a feeling, in other words, "ugh"...
Is it the cold weather? the lack of sunlight? Maybe I am indeed going crazy from certain meds...

Anyhow, I realized today that I have to bust out of said funk, so i thought I would compile a list of my favorite things..As the song goes -

"When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad....I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feeeeeeeel sooooooo bad."
And I promise you my list will have nothing to do with whiskers on kittens...

Snuffles (needs no explaining)

Memories of my honeymoon with S in Cancun (mojitos on the beach, laughter, the comfy bed, que hora es?)

The smell of garlic and olive oil cooking together (yummy)

Smooshies with S (I think he would win the Gold Medal if smooshing were to be an Olympic event - Can you imagine that Wheaties box?)

Hugs from Mom (cause sometimes you just need your mommy)

The way Jazz and a good cup of coffee go together (Miles Davis Kind of Blue + Starbucks = :))

Pilates (Ouch, but a really really good ouch)

Hot, lazy summer afternoons, with a cool breeze and a good book (my deck is the place to be for this)

No traffic on the way home (The quicker I get home the better)

And lastly for this list....

Waking up on a Saturday morning, thinking it is a weekday and then remembering - "oh yea - its Saturday"..(The equivalent to grown ups what a snow day is for little ones.)

What is on your list? I am feeling better already just putting this list together..I think it really is that simple..Call upon the good things, those that provide pleasure when the dark damp funk overtakes you...I think I will keep this as a running list, to be added to when needed, like any medication, that is "take as needed"..
xo

New Year

2009-01-03T10:14:00.002-05:00

Happy 2009 y'all....

Ok, for those of you who might think me a grump or grouch - I'm sorry...But..I must confess, I am thrilled to see the holiday season come to an end. Its not that I don't enjoy the family gatherings, the food, the gifts, the merriment and general feeling of good will..I do, I really do..However, after weeks of it, I am very much looking forward to getting back to reality. I have been home from work for a while, which I DO NOT MIND..eating what I shouldn't be eating, not working out...Feeling sluggish and tired..So, being the bit of a control freak type A personality, I long for my routines back...

So, routines safely back into place, what of new years resolutions? As I have said before, don't usually make them - should I vow for the millionth year to quit smoking? How very cliche'....Anyhow, I thought I would instead, focus on aspects of my life to improve upon and to work toward a few goals...

I wont bore you with all the details, but 2 things I have mentioned many times on this blog continue into the new year. Baby Watch 08 has been re named Baby Watch 09..We will continue to watch for that baby this year, hoping and praying that we are blessed with a little one. Also, the real estate discussion has been taken off the table and renewed..With the mayhem of the holidays over, and said routine reinstated, we can again focus on getting the house ready to put on the market and continue our search for the perfect 4 bedroom center hall colonial..

So that is where this blogger stands (sits actually) at the start of the new year. Poised and ready to work toward gaols and improvements. Watch this space for updates.. Meanwhile, stay warm and feel free to write in about what your resolutions/areas of improvement might be. :)

Christmas

2008-12-27T09:13:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas...

Well, the festivities have come and gone, leaving cookies and leftovers..As I have mentioned before, this holiday is so much different for grown ups..There are no toys to unwrap and play with, no waiting for Santa..We become Santa and wrap the toys..

The holidays are not easy for many, myself included. It brings back memories, happy happy memories. So, why do happy memories create hardship? When the memories are of those who are no longer here in form of people..They have left the world, onto to better places. I miss these folks everyday when I wake, but the holidays (Christmas especially) really intensifies the sense of loss. I try to embrace the memories and hold them close to my heart, and it does provide comfort. The memories of those who have gone beyond are in my heart, and they cant be erased. They are on my hard drive, with a password protection.

So, onto the new year, with new hopes, a clean slate as they say..Who is they anyhow? What is your new years resolution? I have not yet settled on one - I often don't, I try to pick things about my life to improve upon, to cultivate....