Connections

Ok - so the cat is out of the bag..I have been slowly telling folks of my "condition" - the reactions I have been getting have been great - support and happiness have been sent my way by pretty much everyone I have told..Which is great - I think?

Truth be told, I was ambiguous about this pregnancy at the very start..I was not expecting it, I was caught way off guard and I am not a fan of big surprises like that. Please Do Not get me wrong - I was happy, just - well- unsure..

Tests confirm the fact that there is a baby growing inside. But, that is it.. What are you suppose to connect with? Paperwork from the doctor's office? It was really hard for me when I first found out to really understand what was going on - to grasp the concept of this pregnancy. I knew there was something going on - I was sick, sleepy and grumpy..Really grumpy, in fact S was not happy with me..I was short with him and kind of mean. I knew hormones were jumping but I was frustrated at myself. I was not feeling that elation that I see so many women who find themselves pregnant experience and exude. I exuded clouds and gloom. Why was I not over the moon?

I had no connection to this growing life, I could not see or feel it..But I knew it was there. This all changed at my 11 week appointment. The nurse and doctor tried to hear a heartbeat with the Doppler machine but could not find it, they dismissed this as timing - of course it was too early to hear a heartbeat. I insisted on an ultrasound, there was NO WAY I was leaving without hearing or seeing something..I needed that reassurance that there was indeed LIFE forming.

So, I was allowed an ultrasound. And there it was, my baby - on the computer screen shaking it's booty at me - "Hi Mom"! In an instant - thanks to my big mouth and modern technology - I was granted my connection to this baby. That elation, that warm fuzzy feeling, that understanding of what the hell is going on inside my body - I FINALLY had it..What a relief..

I now feel like I am creating life and of course I know my baby will be destined for greatness..I have my connection and I'm ready to continue this adventure..:)
xo