Change

Ok - so you know how well I do NOT do with change from some of my past posts. Well - as you might imagine - like it or not - my life is no longer the same as it was before - and it never will be. It is true what they (who is "they" anyhow?!) a baby does change everything.

When I first found out that I was pregnant, I told myself that I was NOT going to let this take over my life - Nothing needs to change, I can continue to live how I live and be who I am - I'll just do it with a baby. I am laughing at myself now at that thought - I really thought nothing would be different - that I could still do what I was used to doing - when and how I felt like it.


Boy was I wrong.

And it has (and is still) taken me a while to come to this realization. No, I can't do Pilates twice a week - in fact, right now, at 18 weeks - I can barley do it at all. No, I cannot stay up late and still function. No, I cannot run a million errands in one day and be pain free. No, i can no longer remember things..Between the physical and mental changes - nothing feels the same.

My question now is - with the physical and mental changes, do changes to my core - to who I am on the inside - follow? Will I lose who I am when I gain a child? Will I still maintain my own identity, my own likes and dislikes? How much of my soul gets placed into this new being and how much am I able to retain? The unknown scares me..

I just turned to page to 40 (yikes!) - so I have been who I am for a very long time and have worked hard on myself. How much am I willing to change? How much will I be forced to, or even WANT to change?

Apologies for getting so "deep " on a cold spring day. These are the things that go thru my mind when I am laying in bed, my hand on my growing baby bump -reciting baby names silently.

What else goes thru my mind??? Should I - -or shouldn't I buy the Coach diaper bag? Free shipping right now....Does my sense of style have to go out the window just because I have to cart around diapers and the accompanying "stuff'???
xo